Ann im with you...weight restoration is the hardest, and doing it outpatient is HARD...i have been in recovery for 4 1/2 months and i have had many many times where i just want to give up just to stop the gaining but you have to find the strength inside and you will to not want to go back to power you to keep going. In some aspects i think me not having a scale has helped to 'just not know' but on the other hand your mind can play awful tricks and you think you have gained more than you may have...all i can do i judge by my clothes.
I hope you keep going Ann, once you move forward its just not worth going back.
Im not on here much any more but you can message me any time..Facebook or on here
much love to you my friend xxx

i have missed you and all your kind and supportive words. i dont have a scale either, thank goodness. it is just so hard in the begging when the belt starts getting tighter. i do want to be able to go out to dinner again with my friends and actually order something, but ed still is always in my mind, i am trying so hard to fight him. yeah to you for 4 1/2 months recovery, awesome!!!

I'm trying to recover too. It's really hard, but will all be worth it! I'm finally okay with maintaining my current weight, but I need to gain weight. It's a process. If you have a smart phone, there's an app called Recovery Record. It's free and helps you track how you are doing. It gives inspiring messages and pictures each time you log a meal. It does ask what you ate, but doesn't count calories. I like the reward of the positive message and picture. Just keep going, you can do this :-).

hannahheart, i wish i had a smart phone, what a great app! i am in a worse situation now, finicial problems have happened, causing me to cancel my ed specialist and i will have to next week as well. he has been so good for me and actually, after many failed attempts, gotten me to try different foods and eat more. i am afraid of slipping, i have already not eaten the same amt. for the past 2 days.

Thanks for the app recomendation, I just installed it and it's great :)
Ann I miss you too...I have a blog now that I write about whats going on, I just find it easier for my recovery than being on here at the moment xx

Ann, my dr did detremental damage to me and my recovery so I understand how it is when you are doing it alone...I hope your financial problems are only temporary and you can get back to seeing him soon, but Ann, you do have the strength inside...find it and beat the hell out of ed...
Message me anytime angel xxx

I am so criticized and ostracized for my beliefs that I dont even want to comment, but I will anyways. First, because I love you Ann, and second because someone else may see my way out.
Now i will put up my boxing gloves for any further comments.
As well as going IP, I joined Overeaters Anonymous.
They opened me with acceptance and fellowship, as we have the common denominator of obsession with food. (small town so we tend to band together and take what we can get)
I don't share about my weight, I only share about my difficulties surrounding my eating disorder, and how I need support.
The time between my feelings of being overweight ,and the desire to stop obsessing, I feared life without the buffer of food, and purging, or starving. What I came to realize after some some disciplined food regimen was that my fear had nothing to do with weight, or lack of thereof,.. It had to do with a lack of self-understanding. As I gained a more intimate knowledge of myself, why I did the things I did, what my resentments were, and How I could address them, my fear subsided. Instead of being reactive, I had to become proactive, ya know? Fear of something demands respect. We don't have to fear it, but we must respect it. It is bigger than we are. I believe now that the key to conquering it is knowledge. The more you know, the less you fear. xo

Sorry my hands got faster than my brain...
I do respect my eating disorder, but I don't tolerate it.
Some things you just have to accept, which doesn't mean you have to like it. That's why I go to OA. So often I hate it. That's why I go to OA. To bond with like-minded people who understand. One more thing to fear? A group of weight conscience people ready to hate you? Really Ann. Try it. Contempt without investigation is our worst enemy!! You dont deserve to live this way anymore.
OK I wont mention this anymore.

why are you afraid to mention it, mention it as often as you want. my pshychrist has recommended a couple of books based on your thinking, finding out the root of my problems, and solve them, then the eating disorder can be better managed. i havent followed through with the books yet. thanks everybody.