Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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Mental Health
/ Eating Disorders Support Group

terribly sad and scared

LiVeLoVeLaUgH4eVeR
LiVeLoVeLaUgH4eVeR
One of my very best friends has an eating disorder. I care about her SO MUCH. I would do anything to help her and make her better. Unfortunately, she lives a few hours away from me so we don't get to see each other often. Her insurance will no longer cover treatment, and she is not well enough to go to school. She is home alone all day. Well, not alone exactly, ED is there. She's dying. I can't believe it, I refuse to because every time I think about it I burst into tears. I want to be there for her so badly! Why should I be able to get better and she isn't? I'm no worthier than she is! It's not fair! She has awesome potential and is an amazing person! I feel so unworthy of recovery.....she doesn't deserve this.....I miss her so much. When I call her now, her voice is hollow. It's like she doesn't even have a shred of her real self left. It's like my friend already died and ED is just left with her body until it finally gives out. I will never give up hope for her. I want to help her so badly, but there's really nothing left for me to do. I have gotten to the point where I am afraid to call her because I'm terrified she won't answer. When I end conversations with her, I cry because I'm afraid I'm never going to be able to talk to her again. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I can't let myself jeopardize my health by trying to save someone I do not have the ability to save. I can't just stop communicating with her though because I'll feel like a terrible person! She needs unconditional love and support and I'm there for her on a 24/7 basis. Sorry if this is a bit wordy, I just needed to get this out of my system before I started letting ED mess with my head more....
peanutzz
peanutzz
I'm glad you shared this. I do that sometimes, just throw my feelings out there so that they make more sense. You sound like you have a pretty rational grip on this horrible situation. I'm sorry you're hurting though but of course you would hurt. ED takes the best of us sometimes, and it's a sad fact. I'd give you a hug if I could. xo
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you for sharing this. I must be so hard with your friend like that.
But imagine how hard it must be on her, being home all the time. With little contact with her friends. How she must feel getting trapped deeper and deeper with her ED. She probably loves hearing your voice.
Do not think as one or the other a worthy or less worthy. You both deserve treatment and recovery. I hope for your friend things can happen soon so she can get the help she needs.

But your post made me think. I wonder if that is how my friends are feeling about me and why contact is far in between time. Since I am not getting treatment like I told them I would since I cannot afford it.

ED are so hard to think about how they effects ones self and others around them. Be strong and I hope you can be strong for your friend as well. I am sorry that is it hurting you to talk to her.
Have you told her how you feel? She might like to know instead of wondering why you do not contact her as often. Even though the ED is on the surface your friend is still inside struggle to come out.

I wish the best for the both of you. (HUGS)
whitefingers
whitefingers
Print out what you just wrote and send it to her. And keep writing and sending. There's something about having physical things, letters, that she can hold onto, the words staying right there in front of her, instead of spoken words that don't always reach and then float away... You could also send her a super soft stuffed animal, I know from experience that even a "girl" of 40 or 50 yrs old will be comforted by that! These are physical things she can look at to remind her that someone cares.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow I'm so sorry about your friend. I remember a long time ago when I found out that one of my good friends had an eating disorder and I was so worried I couldn't sleep and I couldn't stop thinking about it because I was so scared for her and because I was going through the same thing. Eventually we got to the point where we could support each other and talk about how we were feeling and encourage each other to get better. I think that even though it's difficult, you should keep reminding her that you love and care about her. I don't know if this is a possibility, but maybe you could encourage her to seek help somewhere else like a free clinic that could refer her to some affordable care.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have a friend like you. We were in Ip together about 7 months ago and while I'm still doing fairly well, she is Ip for the 3rd time since and in between she staves herself to the point nobody can believe she is even still alive. At first I was devastated and depressed about her decline, than I was mad and now I tell myself it is her life and she has to want to get better and there is no point in me being hurt over it. Don't get me wrong I love her dearly and encourage her but only when she is on the recovery page. When she is in starving mode nothing gets through to her anyway and I just get upset.
So you deserve to get better and so does your friend. The difference is that you are working hard on it and want a better life for yourself. That is very admirable so don't let her misery drag her down. There are places who take ED patients without insurance like Mercy Ministries. Maybe she has enough hope left in her to give it a try. I wish her the best and the same for you. Keep up the great work and fight for a happy life.
jasgall
jasgall
copy and paste this post to an e-mail and send it. and i'm BEGGING you. DO NOT stop calling her. you should know just as well as i do that when you're stuck in ED relapses, you want to isolate. pulling away from her now will likely only make her slip further into ED.
deleted_user
deleted_user
oh honey I am so sorry. You are a good friend. I understand you love your friend, Ive been there. As heartless as this sounds you have to take care of yourself !!! As sick as your friend is she chooses not to get better. Its an awful horrible illness, but we all choose.

so please use the tools you have and you choose to stay in recovery !
bingo9006
bingo9006
Blessings to you for being such a caring friend who is in a heartbreaking situation. Maybe the best you can do for her is pray, while continuing to reach out to her. She will not be ready till she's ready, just like all of us, but maybe some concern from you could get her ready quicker. If she is not answering the phone, maybe you could write a sweet note to her. When I was attending a support group, my friend who was struggling with an e.d. eventually took my lead and came into the group and was helped greatly. So there is hope for your friend.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh goodness, this really is heartbreaking, and I can tell just how much pain you are in. You are very good friend and it's no wonder that you a hurting. I have some very close friends who have strong eating disorders also, and it fills me with worry. Juluws, I'm sure your friends are concerned about you, like you said, they wouldn't be your friend if they weren't.
It's so difficult trying to help someone with an ED if they're not willing to accept the help. I think the advice of printing out what you wrote or emailing it to her is a very good idea. Perhaps she doesn't realise just how difficult you're finding things and how worried you are about her.
Please do remember yourself also, your health is just as important. Hugs to you both and I hope you find a solution somehow x