Have you tried the journal like some of us suggested? And when I was a "stick" I hated the attention. Listen to what you are saying "All of my friends are sticks! I know guys don't really like the super skinny look but I am sick of my fat" Also you mentioned missing anorexia. You are totally all over the page. Step back, take a deep breath and realize what you are saying. One is not "better" than the other, this is all ED distoration and voices. If you want to be a better eater, you CAN. You have to channel your energy and train your brain. It's possible. Put post it notes on your "comfy food", which is different than "safe foods". Meaning, put a note on the pint of ice cream "I'll eat a bite of you here and there, not all at once"... use the ice cream as a treat after a nice healthy meal. Make sense? And not the whole thing, just small amounts. Like a reward. I don't know. Just a suggestion.

I am all over the place. I know...that is totally how my brain feels. I guess I am just tired of the male attention because it never goes anywhere. Guys just want me for my body...if they want me at all.I guess I'm jealous of how my friends never have to worry about what they eat and always look good in their clothes. They never have to worry "does this make me look fat." Eating healthy is so hard for me. I am an all or nothing person so when I try to watch what I eat it always slowly heads towards anorexic eating patterns. I don't know how to watch what i am eating without becoming obsessed with it. And I'm really sorry...I have a horrible memory...what journal?

Journal throughout the day. When you eat, what you eat (like a food log)... then write your thoughts, worries, ups, downs etc next to what you ate. Sounds silly but for example : I failed a test at school, came home for dinner and ate a pint of ice cream. Totally shrink thing to say, but so true, think "how did it make you feel?" The icecream. If you ever read Yazzz's comments, "it's never really about the food". Think about it, it's really not. I'll use myself as an example: Sure it's about the food, I am concentrating on what I am looking like. Ha, that's where her comment plays a role in this... "What truly caused the distorations of eating?"What do I have NO control over?" I don't know if this makes sense, but it's so true. Another example, I'll have a disagreement with someone, but don't eat...why? Because I can't resolve the situation, but I can however take it out on myself. It's hard to make sense, I know.

Think abou this though. Maybe these guys want to get to know YOU, not your body and what you look like, but YOU. I have struggled with my ED's for over 1/2 my life. I have a twin that has had more boyfriends than me, I have had 2 boyfriends, well 3 if you include my husband, and my twin is "bigger" than me. It's not always about looks, I don't care who tries to convince me otherwise.

If you truly want to change somethings, you got to start with your way of thinking and be willing to give it your all! Exhaust all avenues of help and resources.