don't be sorry...i'm glad you reached out.i hate that you are struggling so much right now....
what can you do later to avoid your urges? what would be something you could do that is self soothing in a healthy way?

i can relate to the hormonal nightmare....tears though,as i know you know,can be cleansing...

i'm sorry i haven't been much help,but know you're not alone and we care about you here.

I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. I think you should really feel whatever emotion you are feeling and be patient with yourself. Remember that the crying can be such a great release and you should allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you are feeling right now. That time of the month is so difficult for me and my behaviors get out of whack because of the physical as well as emotional sensations that come along with it. Try to remember to just be kind to yourself. Do you have any positive affirmations you can look at? Or anything to distract you after you put your four year old to bed? I hope any of this has helped!

(((Hugs))) I am glad you were able to cry. It'shard when the srtress builds but so glad you could come here and write your thoughts down and ask for support.

Sometimes when we push ourselves aside to make room for others we start to feel ignored and even taken advantage of. Under all those feelings is usually hurt. Of course, I have no idea what you are actually feeling, just throwing out an example. But if your tears are from some deep hurt then its good you cried. Hug yourself too. It's amazing how much a hug, and from ourselves, can help. I hope you are feeling much better soon.

I'm so sorry things are so difficult right now. Clearly you are doing the best you can to hang in there, but no one likes to be in a position where they feel like they are white knuckling it.
I think it's a positive thing that you had a good cry, and hopefully released some pent up emotions...and also very positive that you reached out when you aren't feeling well. so do give yourself credit for that.
Know that you are not alone and feel free to message if you need to.

Thank you so much for your quick responses....

The validation about the hormones really helps as these days of the month are more of a struggle, obviously. I probably need to watch some sort of tear jerker movie to just let myself bawl it all completely out. And yes, I do need to be gentle with myself and remember how far I've come, I suppose.

Lucky - I harbour some deep hurts, this I know. I feel I have reconciled myself with a lot of damage that has been done to me in the past (and admittedly, that I've done to myself) but I still often times find I just have this pain that I can't quite put my finger on. I do feel overwhelmed and stressed out a lot in life (I have a pretty stressful job plus I'm trying to go to school AND teach courses myself) and feel like a lot of my life is "have to" instead of "want to". I've felt like that for most of my life when I look back on it (I'm in my early 40s so there's a lot to look back on....lol). Maybe that's what's behind yesterday's meltdown and today's tears - I'm just tired and worn out. I feel like I give the left-overs of what I've got to my son which also makes me feel guilty and shitty, plus I'm living with my significant other (who I am not really in a couple-hood with. Long story) who barely is working right now and is as lazy as fuck. Sometimes I think food is my only true joy in life......*sigh*. Pathetic, but true.

Thanks for letting me rant and vent. I said way more above than I meant to but I guess it's really been bothering me. I'm not getting any younger - when do I start to live for ME???

Thank you sonny. Huge hugs to you:)))

Oh Forest it's not pathetic. I am sorry you jave such deep hurt. I can see how you may feel taken advantage of and not cared for. Sounds like you are also a single parent and that alone is enough to push anyone over the edge.

Are you doing anything for yourself? Do you make time just for you? A time to stop, catch your breath, check in with yourself and see what YOU need to keep you going?

HI, I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I will send you good thoughts, so you will be ok. Hugs

Thanks for the validation, Lucky. It helps when you're in a boo-hoo mood like I'm in:)
One thing I will say for my live-in is that he generally is a good father and does his share with my son, I guess. His laziness comes more in that he does little else - rarely anything housework-wise and zilch as far as home repairs and maintenance. I harbour a lot of resentment towards him.

One good thing I did for myself is I started to go back and see my counselor. She is really fantastic and very much in tuned with women's issues. I started back last week and she asked me the very same thing you just did - if I've started doing anything for myself. Sadly, the answer is no. I can think of many things I COULD do or would like to do but my default is always wasting my time with the familiar - binging (and subsequently purging) and the odd night drinking too much wine. They are things that at the time are a quick fix and "easy" but as we all know in the long-run leave you feeling even more depleted and empty. It sometimes feels like it requires too much energy to do anything otherwise, if that makes sense. She suggested I take up yoga. I tried it a few times with some simple on-line tutorials but again, it feels like a burden. Maybe I need to give it another try..........Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?

Thank you, Laya!!
I'll take all of the positive vibes I can get right now:)))

Sorry - one more thing my counselor suggested was finding something(s) that I can feel "passionate" about in life. I find that challenging as the only thing I've ever felt passionate about is food. And booze and drugs at one point in my life.....lol. I've raked my mind to try and envision myself - painting? Taking up dance? Playing an instrument? I dunno. It's hard to try and muster up feelings of potential passion for anything right now.
I know I sound like a negative ass right now and for that I apologize.

You have every right to have your "boo-hoo negative" moments. They are a part of life. And although we would all love to have the perfect spouse who stops, listens and comforts we are not all that lucky. My husband isn't that perfect either. So coming here and finding the comfort you need is wonderful.

Maybe you could start smaller with taking care of yourself. Could you spend 5 extra minutes sitting in your car, listening to relaxing music, before going into your house at night? I had to start small. Even with something I'm passionate about. Im passionate about sign language so I taught myself. Maybe yoga isn't your thing and that's ok. Do you like to bake? Walk on a nature trail? Help the elderly? It can be anything...even reading!

You're absolutely right, Lucky. I do tend to think in pretty grandiose terms when it comes to changes that I have to make. There are definitely small things that I can do for myself to start off with. I'm going to focus on implementing a few things in the next couple of days and build from there.
Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me (and everyone else, thank you, too:))). It really does help to sound off to people that "get it".

That's great Forest. It sounds like you may be feeling better. There is nothing as healing as being seen, heard, comforted and supported. :))

Again, thanks for everyone that took the time to respond to me last night. Unfortunately, I did end up b/p. I feel dragged out and shitty about myself this morning but trying to put it behind me and move on to a better day.