I so much hope you dont need to hit bottom! Exercise is supposed to be good for you and while it CAN be good for you Im not so sure its a good thing if it seems like a totally artificial self-imposed obligation. Running up and down stairs when youre underweight might not be such a good idea. Any chance of getting together with a friend for walks or for aqua walking or some other activity? Exercise should be enjoyable. Yes, life should be enjoyable but it can feel like hard work to get any pleasure out of it at times.
Its good your son cares but he obviously doesnt really understand whats going on. Fortunately there are people here who do understand and Id like to encourage you to have at least a small breakfast and try to get back to a minimum healthy weight.

I completely understand. I exercise 5 days a week and I have to force myself to take days off. When I do, I feel gross, like a lump. I get it. My husband does not get this disorder whatsoever. He's one of those who says "just stop, have will power." I have stopped purging but I still see my controlling behaviors with food so it's still there. I also know what I can do to help myself when I feel horrible like journal, meditate, post but I try to avoid it as much as possible. It's ED trying to keep me in the cage. My therapist usually suggests baby steps. Can you eat a small breakfast like twice a week? It's a start and once you are comfortable, you can try to increase it. What helps me not give up is hearing who have/are recovering. They keep telling me it's possible and I believe them. HUGS

It's hard to control eating disorders so don't beat yourself up over it. It's ok to take a nap if you feel the need or read.

I've been bulimia free for 27 days now and I do it by reading up on it and seeing the damage it would cause in the long run. Try thinking of how your family would feel if something happens to you. It is hard for me at times to keep it up but these thoughts help me stop.

thank you all for the suggestions and support. I am eating my breakfast bar right now, I know I overdid yesterday and didn't eat all that much. I have to get myself together and no I don't want to hit rock bottom, that would completely ruin everything. I take all your words and repeat them daily to try and get into control. Kathy I do walk however I walk to long I think for me, a good hour and a good clip, I love it but It likely is eating up all the calories, well most of them. I wish there was a place for water exercise here that didn't cost a fortune!
great news though, my old boss barb came to the store yesterday and offered me a position with her, she is manager in the grocery department back at my old store, which is closer. she believes in me and knows me very well, over 10 years. it is totally different work, I will mainly be working alone but you walk all day. I told her how much it means to me for her to have that kind of faith in me. today I have to find a way to tell scott, manager now, I am so nervous. many hugss

Thats wonderful news! Its good to know your are appreciated and your work is valued.

Pity that water exercising is expensive. As long as youre enjoying your walking and it isnt "forced miles" then I think its absolutely fine!

Have a good weekend!

it is indeed Kathy a great feeling. however with the walking it is a combo of enjoyment and likely going further then I should for what I eat. I just got back a test result and my WBC count is low, with a note attached that I must eat 70 grams of protein and adequate calories. I am getting the protein but in "fake" food, protein bars. I am seeing her on Monday:(

If you do take this job, be careful that all that walking could make ED worse for you if you lose too much more weight. You don't want to be in a psych hospital, trust me on that. But as long as you're careful, I think this job w/ your former manager may be a good idea for you to take. Good luck with it.

thanks electropro