Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Hey all,
Haven't been on here for a long time as I find the whole new style of DS very difficult to navigate. But I have been struggling, well I'm at a point where I can go in one of two directions and I'm finding that really difficult. About a month ago I was admitted to a psych hospital for attempted suicide. I was hospitalized for 1 1/2 weeks and while there I purged. The purging, plus the withdrawal from my overdose, and the combination of medication I was on induced my first seizure. Testing and such is still being done, but having a seizure and almost dying twice in one week still hasn't phased me.
While in the hopsital (and leading up to it) I lost some weight. I was under an incredible amount of stress and was on some new medication that suppressed my appetite. Bottom line, after coming out of the hospital I ate more freely because I knew I needed to gain a little weight. Well, this past week I found out that I gained more than a little. I have gained 7 pounds since leaving the hospital, in one month. I have never gained that much weight before. I knew I gained at least 4, but I was okay with that beause I knew I needed to. But not this much. This is the heaviest I have been in the past 6 years and I don't know what to do with myself.
I broke down immediately when my therapist and I were discussing this. She doesn't believe that all the weight gain is real and that it could be due to my period and water weight. But I just can't get it out of my mind. I told her I would try not to go overboard, but that I did want to lose like 2 pounds to be comfortable again. I am at a healthy weight. Since then I probably have gone a little overboard. I purged, restricted, thrown away certain foods with high calorie contents, and worked out. I haven't completely restricted, but I am definately more cautious about what I am putting in my mouth.
So I need to make the decision, continue this path back to my eating disorder or somehow become okay with what my weight is. I don't know how to do the later, usually slowly over time I am able to be okay with a weight (like i'm okay with the weight being 2 pounds lower than it is now), so it seems impossible to just jump 2 more pounds.
What have others done to deal with weight gain.
ED's are coping mechanisms that were created to help you cope with difficult feelings. If you have a trauma in your childhood/past then I would urge you to work with a therapist to heal that trauma. Therapy will also help you learn to identify your feelings and express them instead of just coping with them.
LP is right - you have the choice to live in misery with an ED, which is a permanent feeling; or live in misery while healing, which is a temporary feeling. Just think...if you work on your healing, your past and your ED, you can actually go on to live a happy wonderful life never thinking about the ED ever again. Complete freedom. It's a wonderful experience.
Healing and warm hugs to you...
Jen
Thank you for your comments, I need all the support I can get right now.
When it comes down to it, it's HARD knowing that you were at a weight once that you were used to. Gaining weight is a new territory and it can be hard to deal with. For me, I took the mirror out of my room and made my family hide the scale. Remember to fact-check when eating, and work toward acceptance. It's not easy and I am saying this for myself as well haha. If you need any support, I am right here with you! Stay strong!!