Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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scared but still not doing

ann54
ann54
I am kinda scared about my lack of recovery and actual slide down but yet I am not doing a darn thing about it. I am below what my lowest weight should be according to doctor, not much but about 4 pounds. I don't feel hungry in the morning so I skip breakfast and I was doing so good eating it. I have noticed I am losing hair in the shower, not handfuls,but hair nonetheless. I am feeling like leaden legs after my normal walk with my dog. I am waiting to get a script for blood work before I see the clinical ed doctor at the end of the month wich I am dreading. I cant get over that I don't really care, am I craving attention? I feel so alone and that no one cares, busy taking care of my mother who is so critical and it is bringing back bad memeories of how I was raised regarding food. I was "plump" and was served less food then siblings and I learned to sneak food very early. I was made fun of and I never felt love by my mother and now I have to care for her as best I can, I am setting boundaries though. I so often want to just give up, in many ways I think I have.
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electropro176
electropro176
Sorry to hear that you want to give up. Please don't it's been nice having your support. It looks like you may be depressed, I can't remember if you're seeing someone for it or not. Maybe a medication tweak might be in order??? It's possible w/ ED you may have some nutritional deficiences, that could be why you're having physical symptoms. Hope things get better for you, soon.
kathywonders
kathywonders
Just throwing around some ideas here.... My worst phases of eating disorder behaviour have always been when Ive been feeling somehow trapped in my life - when Im in a job or relationship or place that I dont feel comfortable in. It seems to me that you may be feeling trapped with regards to your mother and her needs. I dont have the great ideas for improving your eating whilst still being in the trapped situation but Ill let you know if I get any possibly helpful thoughts.
forestfreek
forestfreek
Amen to that, Kathy........My ED behaviours are fueled by EXACTLY the same thing - feeling trapped in situations (almost exclusively speaking about relationships, here) so I definitely think you may be on to something.
Ann, if you have unresolved emotional hurt caused by your mother it is very likely that being exposed to her and subjected to her constantly would be very difficult and therefore, as kathywonders said, is likely causing your backslide. Are you with her all of the time or do you get breaks from the situation? Do you have any other family members that can help out and alleviate some of the burden from you?
I feel for you. I had a very difficult relationship with my mother and even being around her in small doses was psychologically damaging. I couldn't imagine feeling "trapped" again by being around her continually.
HUGS
Jen
ann54
ann54
you bring up a very good point as ED likes to take control when one feels no control. I live 10 minutes from my parents, I don't go over everyday but god help me if I don't call every night. I want to see my dad but dread going over because of her. she is definelty having problems esp. with the eyesight failing but she is so negative and ALWAYS has been. it is bringing back all the feelings of being unloved and not god enough. I called last night in walmarts to see if she needed anything and she was miserable, I talked for 5 minutes, finally asked why is she so grumpy got nothing back but silence and I said I cant talk anymore. I feel this is so wrong of me, I will be oldone day and what will my kids think of me? didn't eat much yesterday and my bowels are all messed up, but I forced down a breakfast bar just now. I have to try, cant let the bad guys win I guess
danita107
danita107
Oh man I totally relate. My ED has definitely stemmed from my childhood and the way I was raised. My mom has had bulimia all of my life and when I confronted her about it, she stopped but now doesn't purge but is anorexic. I have the same conversations. There's always negativity, judgment, and not being good enough. They are both critical and basically the opposite of being supportive. I try to limit my phone calls to the bare minimum because let's face it, they aren't ever going to change. It's a healthy thing to do to separate yourself. You and your recovery come first. It's unfortunate and doesn't mean you don't love your parents, but they only hurt your recovery and drag you down. It's VERY hard though so I get it. I completely understand.
ann54
ann54
it is very hard to back away from my parents as they are elderly and esp. my mother need help. I get so frustrated and angry so often when I talk to them I cant stand it. the negativity and guilt trips eat at me, no pun intended. tonight I go over for my ususal sunday night fun, I love to see dad but don't even want to see mom, I k now she has it bad, with her eyesight, I do feel lousy about myself for this. Tuesday I have the joy of bringing her clothes shopping, which is pointless she has a closet full and wears the same damn thing all the time. her grooming is bad, dirt under her nails and she smells at times, I don't know how to address this.
kpsurfersfan
kpsurfersfan
Oh Ann, this is such a sensitive and painful situation for you. Is there anyway you can talk to your mother's doctor or health professionals to see what they would advice regarding her hygiene issues etc. I don't know what's available in your country, but here we have age care or age concern type agencies which will help advise and advocate for family members etc. Thinking of you, Kim x
ann54
ann54
thank you kim, yes we have many elder care help in cumminities and where they live the senior services is great and all free. I don't know what to do about the hygiene, she is on nanti depressant and anxiety but with all her troubles nothing is really working. she has never been one to shower often but it is bad now and I am to embarresed to say anything and I don't want to hurt her. I could call her dr. but she was just there and she would know one of us called if she gets a call, she is overwhelmed with the dr. appts for the 2 of them, well everything gets her upset and crying. I have been a nervous wreck about so many things, it makes me feel sick