I'm sorry the old habits appear to be returning for you. I am wondering if the stress in your life in increased lately because if it has, it's very easy to fall back into the old habits in order to cope with that stress. 17 pounds in such a short time is not good and I would hope someone has noticed such a sharp drop in your weight. Is it possible for you to work with a therapist? Any further weight loss without being able to redirect your thinking back to one of recovery should be taken seriously and you should look into getting help asap. Please don't wait until you have lost too much more weight to get help.

There is slight stress, but I've dealt with worse. Nobody has noticed my weight lost or the fact that I stopped eating. I tried bringing it up with my therapist, but she said "No. That is not an option anymore. You can't and won't go back there" Her saying that only made me feel worse and rely heavier on my eating habits. I haven't eaten in two days now, but it still doesn't make me happy. I've tried asking for help, but everyone I ask either turns me down or says that everyone would be disappointed in me again.

I am sorry your therapist only offered a simple, and IMO worthless, help of "that is not an option". I'd love to say that ED's are not an option but for many of us they were the only option we had in order to deal with very difficult times.

I am also very sorry that anyone has said they are disappointed in you and/or refuses to help you. I can imagine it hurts to hear all of that or if they are not currently saying it, to believe that is what would be said to you.

I have learned that ED's are coping mechanisms we use so we don't have to feel. At some point in our pasts it became unsafe to express emotions so we stopped expressing them. But it's difficult to not feel so we had to find a way to cope with that. We needed something to push the feelings away and for those with ED's we chose to binge, purge, starve etc. I know when I stopped eating I had many feelings going on inside and I had a particular thought process as well. For me, the feeling was deep crushing hurt and the thought process was "Everyone wants me gone". I do not know if this is how you feel - I sure hope not - but I wanted to show how I used an ED to suppress that deep hurt. I had to work hard on allowing myself to feel again, trust myself to express them and I also had to work on my thought process. It wasn't until I had done all that along with heal the traumas in my past that I was able to move past the ED. I am new to being in recovery so I do have setbacks and challenges I didn't expect but now that I have the foundation of knowing I am worthy and knowing how to express my feelings I am doing much better. I do hope this is something your therapist has said/worked with you as well. If you are going back to your ED please stop and listen to your self talk. My guess is the answer is there. ((Hugs))

Unfortunately that's how I feel. At first it all started off because I literally lost my appetite, but now I think I'm using my eating habits as a control thing

I'm happy to hear that you're in recovery now, and hopefully what's going on with me will pass some

Thank you. I hope you will be in recovery again very soon too.

I am sorry you also feel that way. It's so painful to believe that others would be happier if we were gone. That is a hurt that goes so deep its hard to comfort it.

Please start telling yourself that you are worthy. You are worthy of life, love, kindness and respect - and so much more! ((Hugs))