take a deep breath. do you have anyone you can go to for help? even if it is just someone to sit and eat with you at meal time... it can be quite helpful. maybe talk to a therapist if you have one. i know the thoughts are horrible but you have to remember that it isn't good to pay any attention to them. the more you think about it the worse they become. don't give me the thoughts power over you and continue to eat... eventually they go away for awhile again.

I am so sorry that you having these thoughts all over again. Try and see if you can just keep them as thoughts and carry on eating properly, etc and although it may be really, really hard for a few days, the thoughts may lessen again. if you go back to using ED behaviours those thoughts will more likely stay. Do you have somebody to talk to about this? And can you identify anything that might have set this off again?

Remember also that many people have 'slip-ups' during recovery, (recovery is hard!), and with support are able to see the path ahead again. You KNOW that you don't want ED back so you have to fight it head on and you have the strength to do this! Take care.

thank you both so much for the responses.
DemonDog I mentioned it to my old recovery team that I was having these thoughts. not by choice but my mom saw me break down and called them. They haven't helped me so far. They've actually stressed me out more by threatening to send me back to a hospital.

Birdie thank you I really like what you said about having setbacks in recovery. It's hard to remember that when you're in it, you know?
I just need to keep pushing through it's just so hard and I'm so scared that I'm moving backwards. Also, I think it may be going back to school that is setting this off. School is where my ED started and I'm terrified that people will notice I've gained weight since the summer started.

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. It makes sense that the stress of school could be triggering this. I also like what Birdie said about the slips. Try to just stay in today as much as possible. I know it's hard, but today is already done and you can't control tomorrow. And sometimes for me it's minute by minute trying to stay in the present. I know for me I get overwhelmed if I think too far in the future about trying to stay in recovery. Also, I know you mentioned the recovery team, is part of that an individual therapist? I can see why they're stressing you out, I'm wondering though if there's a supportive member (like an individual therapist) that you can get some support from. It sounds like the ED is kicking in with the thoughts of being concerned about your weight and starting school and being worried about what others think would be a good thing to process. ((hugs)) hang in there ok?

I came back from severe anorexia and the thoughts come and go, especially with stress and threats sometimes make it worse so I can't believe they would threaten you with going back in... most relapse teams know that during stressful times relapse can happen and often lots of people relapse to go back in to a safe place, away from the stressful situations they are having... I would ask you one thing... when you see the person you want to be (weight aside) who are you, what do you want to be doing, do you wake up and live a healthy day incorporating 3-5 meals, little bit of enjoyable exercise, work/school, meeting up with someone, going somewhere like to a library or cafe, etc. Take a deep breath and from where you are right now focus on exactly what you want and then take another breath and live that life. Everyday, some times minute by minute, I have to keep reminding myself of this and over the years I can say I have a pretty great life but I started struggling with a huge move, the economy, family issues, etc. You just helped me reminding me of what I just said to you... Hope this helps a little...

thank you so much both of you.
You've all helped me a lot with this I find so much support here.
Yes I have an individual therapist, but I don't want her to know my ED thoughts are returning.
Rainbows, thank you so much for the advice it helped a lot.
I'm scared but I'm pushing through. ((hugs))