Tell your therapist. Stop the slide now before ED gets a hold of you. I know that elated feeling so well, but you remember the feeling that comes a few weeks later when you're ill? You don't want that. You got it right when you said you FEEL like you have power and control, but you know in your heart ED has it really.
Good luck :)

So, you have this feeling of loving it now. Which happens, and that's just being honest.

But you have to know something is wrong with it - or you wouldn't be scared to tell your therapist.

So, it is isn't true sustaining pride, the kind that keeps you going - the kind that you always look back to. It is very much the short-lived kind...where it becomes shadowed over. Because you know you're doing something wrong, you know you're embracing illness, and you know you'll need to hit another number, or another goal soon enough.


The question you need to ask yourself - is why do you think this relapse is okay for you? What do you think it is going to give you this time that makes it any different than last time? What makes it any less of an obsession currently, than before...always worrying, always needing to be active, always counting calories? Is that a relaxed happy life that allows you to love yourself?

Oh, I loved it too! I continued to love it while my relationships suffered, my health deteriorated and I was becoming so lost that I didn't even know who I was anymore. Please tell your therapist before you end up back here in desperation. XO

It doesn't really sound like your habits are too far gone yet, you should probabaly be eating at least 2000 cals a day but the exercising 40m a day is healthy and you should probabaly keep that up. But the ED control and power part of this sounds like it is going to keep growing and prowing until you're eating 500 cals a day and exercising 4 hours a day.

I would talk to your therapist about this. I think it is the beginning of what could turn into a huge problem.

hm, you love it, so why did you post it on the discussion board. You know we won't encourage you, some might even be triggered and upset. So I think you are crying out for help before it is too late. Here is my way to help: Tell your therapist now. Ed doesn't make you happy. He'll take away all joy, energy, relationships, your health and in the end your life. I hope you think hard about what you are getting into, hon. Good luck.

I've read this several times today trying to wrap my mind around the part where you say, "I love it!" We must be polar opposites because I am absolutely miserable and NOT loving it!

Why, do you "love" something that holds you back from being everything you could be? I agree tell your therapist, you deserve a life free from the grasp of ED.

I feel really bad for posting this topic. I shouldn't be talking about how I don't want to give up my eating disorder at a place where people are trying to recover. I am very sorry if I offended anyone. I know I need help but honestly I am scared that if this last form of "control" is taken away from me that everything will fall apart.

If you truly are the one in control, then there's nothing to take away from you.

Don't feel bad at all, Alliegator. There are always people who will try to make you feel bad about expressing your feelings, don't let them do that to you. Your control over this is all you have? That's how we all feel!! It's all about control and the loss of control is very scary. I know exactly what you're saying and your topic was right on! XOXO