Hi Em Bel. Thank you for sharing your struggles. I have also disconnected from everyone in my life. I think my difficulty with relationships is every bit as challenging as stopping myself from ED behaviors. The ED takes hold and NO ONE will get in the way of these behaviors and thoughts. It is difficult to trust anyone and engage with people when so much of the day is spent fighting food. I come to this site because I don't have a person in the world I trust to be honest with, about my thoughts, feelings and behaviors. I prefer not to be known because Ive found my self-destruction thrives in isolation, where no one can get in my way. I have been isolating for years, but its become a real problem in that I have lost a lot of people I once had for support. I recommend pushing yourself to connect with people, even just a few people. Force yourself to make time to continue relationships. Its much harder to try to repair them once lost. And eventually, they will have moved on and you'll have to start over if you even dare try to reconnect. Sorry if it sounds like I'm lecturing. I just struggle with this, and I wish I would've forced myself to push through the anxiety in order to keep some people in my life. It is great that you are getting help. ED's isolate us so they can destroy us. Please keep reaching out. Sometimes you'll be surprised who will still be by your side when you're honest about your struggle. Find people you trust, and be real. Wishing you the best in your recovery.

embel I am glad you reached out and shared. I have trouble with isolation too and have been out of most social events due to food and how it all has made me feel about myself. I am blessed though that my best friend of 53 years still loves me and accepts me unconditionally even when I pull back from her. she knows everything about me from the very beginning to now and I her. other then her I don't really have any one anymore that I feel I can reach out to because I no longer feel comfortable around people and don't know what to say. I have found that I have to force myself to go and drive myself so I can leave when I need to, that is a big help. I recommend trying to reach out to a few friends, even just talking on the phone. you will be surprised at how they will react, happy to hear from you. pick those you have trusted before and one must be honest with why you have backed away. iwish you luck and I hope you can try, even just 1 person. embel I feel so bad for you in the situation you are in. how terribly sad and lonely. could you find it in yourself to try to meet new people if you truly think it is to late? this is hard I know, I am very shy andit is difficult. do you have any special interests? even a support group with like minded people. I am so sorry and hope you at least find relief and support here. hugs to both

Thanks eshaw and ann54. I think another part of all this I've been telling myself over the years if someone wanted to talk to me they would, but then I don't talk to them and here we are.

I've joined an ED support group but I've stopped going to that once I started my out patient because I don't have enough gas to go to both places and because no one was really welcoming at them and I still felt really isolated there even though we all were there for the same reason. I have also started going to AA meetings with a friend who is part of the program, only mine is for "addition". People there have been wonderful and I've meet a few people who I've been even comfortable enough to tell why I was there. They all keep telling me to contact them to talk or get together but I feel strange doing that because of all my years of isolation.

congrats on going to AA and making some friends you share with. they have shown you they care and are not judgmental, please try and call one!

Well done with realising your ED patterns (i.e. the isolation) and taking some positive steps to address these. Easy does it, one day at a time, and baby steps. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you make these changes!
Kim :)