I don't know what happiness is either... I totally understand the fear of not wanting to gain. It's the same problem but in reverse. No amount of weight loss will make things better, but is there a certain amount of gain that will? I am afraid the answer is not in gaining either and then what?

Sorry, my response is not more supportive... I am here with you though!

thanks for responding. it is a hard thing to imagine gaining so much at once, as i am just slightly underweight but food intake is limited and very rigid. i am so afraid of going overboard and reverting to old habits which lead me to obesity.a friend suggested using the word freedom, free of ed thoughts, instead of happy and thats makes much more sence to me, so i am going to aim for that.

im goin through recovery too and as scary as it is and terryfiying once you start eating more your brain starts to 'heal' the obsession over food becomes less and you start to enjoy life again. it seems not possible but it is, hang in there! for me weight gain was the scariest bit but im glad i got my sense og humour back and my laugh..life becomes enjoyable again!

best of luck on your recovery and it sounds great to get laughter back in your life, i will remember that.

Hi
I am also in recovery and have been eating the high calorie meal plan with no other behaviors such as purging or overexercise. I am gaining and am so scared. I have had my ed for so long and have tried recovery many times but know I have to do it this time.
I also know and will say the same to you that to recover we have to gain to a healthy weight and eat enough/less rigid and no other behaviors.
I fear so much too. One day at a time though I guess.