Do you have a support system like a therapist? I have been there completely. It seems like there are times when wrong reflection in a mirror can ruin my day or week. When the ED comes back, it's important to remember that the things we are saying to ourselves comes from the disorder and none of it is true. The ED is a coping mechanism we've learned along the way. Is there something going on your life that's causing pain or anxiety? I think writing is a great way to deal with issues and would def help. It's also important to try and develop a kind relationship with yourself. Positive self talk is a great tool. I have been there and I know how you feel.

Thanks, Danita.
I have been going to many 12 step programs but have not been focussing much on my eating disorder (I thought it was manageable but is coming up with a vengeance). I am proud of myself for eating all my meals yesterday, though it was a struggle.
I ended up calling my former ED therapist and realizing I have SO MUCH GOING ON RIGHT NOW! I have been fighting other addictions so haven't had alternate coping mechanisms and the ED came up and said I'M STILL HERE!!!! It's like it was in there plotting and just waiting for me to see the wrong picture to come out and punch me in the stomach.
I think I may start seeing my ED therapist again.

I honestly think that EDs are so deeply ingrained for most of us that it would be wise to keep some sort of support system going (therapist, support group, this site.....whatever) for YEARS if not forever. Our minds are likely never going to be completely healed but in time relapses are hopefully less likely.

As far as looking at pictures of yourself (it unavoidable - we all have to endure that at some point or another and I doubt ANY of us like it!! lol) try focusing on something other than your body at first. For instance if you have nice eyes or hair zoom your attention in on that and mentally (or out loud if it helps) say something positive about yourself. If you find your eyes and mind wandering to places on your body that are sensitive for you to look at, re-direct your mind and eyes to the positive. It takes some practice but it does work.

Hugs to you. Hope you get over this hump soon:)
Jen

I aqgree that EDs are so deep within us for so many reasons and it can take years of therapy to uncover the true root to it. I have semi recovered, or been stable off and on but am now back in the battle again, and struggling, I have liked the idea of looking at something you like in nthe mirror, and try and not take pictures of yourself, we don't see ourselves clearly and accurately. I actually saw a picture of myself just 4 years ago and I said I look so much better then, I was some heavier, face not gaunt, yet here I still am. maybe I should post that picture. an idea for you, postthings that ring positive to you, things you like about yourself, and nit just your body and readthem over and over. I am sorry you are struggling so.

Sorry youre struggling again. Well done on keeping eating despite those feelings!

Recently Ive started doing some weight training with a couple of other women who are about the same age as me. When I check my form in the mirror I dont like the bulge of my inner thighs - but - I also see that the rest of me is pretty much OK and Im reasonably strong. The others have their bulges too - its perfectly normal - and I have loads of respect for these other women.

In other words I dont (any more) let the wrong shape hold me back from interacting with other people and I know that its possible to admire people regardless of how their bodies look.

Photographs can be so deceptive - depending on the lighting, the angles and the background they can be flattering or (more usually) very unflattering. Dont let bad photos bring you down!