Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
So around a month ago I admitted to my therapist that I've been Bulimic off and on for almost eight years, and this last year has gotten worse, where I've been throwing up multiple times everyday. I've tried stopping on my own but it's to a point now where my stomach can't handle that much food at a time without coming up on its own. So for a month now I've been going to see her every other week and also seeing nutritionist weekly. I've also been put on medication, due to not being able to digest food anymore. Since all this is free at my school it is working wonderfully but in June I will be graduating from college, and not having these resources. My progress on getting better is not that much either and they've been talking about maybe seeing if I could be put in an outpatient after college. Here's where it gets tricky because I haven't told my dad the whole truth about what's going on, just that I can't digest food, and I don't have a drivers license, making it difficult for me to get to the outpatient on my own without telling someone. The final problem is I have to find a full time job so I can pay student loans and a health insurance, which would be difficult to do and go to an outpatient that I've been told would be 4-8 hours a day? (This is just one outpatient that my nutritionist was telling me about, I don't know if there is others, my guessing there is.) I guess I was wondering if anyone else has been in an outpatient program and found it helpful or any advice on what to do. I just feel really lost somedays. Sorry this is so long...
I am really sorry to hear you're struggling with this, but you are incredibly brave for reaching out and being honest with your therapist. That must have been a really difficult thing to do.
You are certainly in a tricky situation, with school ending and your treatment ending. Luckily, there are a lot of other treatment options, which it sounds like you and your therapist and nutritionist have talked about.
I assume the outpatient treatment program your nutritionist mentioned was a partial hospitalization or intensive outpatient day treatment. I have been in this kind of treatment before, but only for a short time before I went inpatient. I am probably not the best person to answer questions about it since I wasn't in one for too long, but I can try to answer any questions you may have if you want to message me. Overall though, I think intensive outpatient treatment is a great option because it allows you to have structure and support without having to leave "the real world" entirely and go inpatient. It usually consists of eating a meal or two there (maybe a snack as well, depending on how long you are there) and attending group therapy with other patients. They usually do different kinds of groups (cognitive behavioral therapy, nutrition group, process group - you basically just talk about your feelings- and sometimes even art or music therapy groups). You will also meet with a dietitian and therapist independently, and perhaps a medical doctor as well.
It would definitely be difficult, if not impossible, to work full time while in an intensive outpatient program, though. You could possibly get a part time job on the weekends, since these types of programs usually don't meet on the weekends (this one may be different, though). I completely understand worrying about paying your loans back. I am also a college student, and will be graduating with a good amount of loan debt. However, your health comes first. In the long run, taking a few months before starting work in order to go to treatment will not set you back in any way, and will actually be beneficial. If your loans are federal loans, you get so many months (I think 36?) after graduating before you have to begin paying them back. You could also look into getting your loans deferred. You can always contact your loan borrower and see what your options are. From my own experience, when I had to take a medical leave from school last year, they are usually more than happy to work with you.
If taking time off work is definitely not an option, you can still do outpatient with a dietician and therapist who specializes in eating disorders. Does your father have health insurance which you are covered under?
I can imagine how difficult it would be to tell your father about your struggles. Do you think it might be easier to tell him via a letter or even email? Sometimes it is easier to write things out rather than speaking face-to-face. I am sure your father loves you very much, and would want to know what you're struggling with. He could be a really great support for you, and support is so important when recovering from an eating disorder.
I really feel for you and your situation, and am sending you lots of positivity. I am really happy for you that you are seeking help. I understand you feel lost and afraid, but this is actually an exciting time for you. You are graduating college with a degree (congratulations, by the way!) and are finally seeking help for your eating disorder. Recovering isn't all rainbows and butterflies and it involves a lot of hard and messy work. But it is also beautiful. You are freeing yourself from struggles that have chained you down for the past 8 years. Once you are free, the possibilities are endless. You deserve to live a happy and healthy life, and you will get there.
Keep being brave, and never give up. You can do this.