I do think you are on to something there. In my 30 years of experience I will say (and this may piss some people off, but so be it) that there IS an element of attention-seeking with Anorexia. It's not the "HA HA, look at me" type of attention-seeking, but rather the "I am so hurt on the inside and if I keep starving myself maybe someone will actually SEE how hurt I am and take care of me." I am not minimizing the causes or complexities of Anorexia, as I know it has a lot of components to it. What I am saying is that I know from the situation you are in family-wise with your mother that you are feeling trapped, lost and scared. It is hard for an ED-sickened mind to get back ("back".....were we ever "there"??) to thinking healthy and normal but it CAN be done!!
Tell your therapist exactly what you said on here - that you KNOW what you should be doing but feel that you can't do it, and go from there. She should have some strategies to work on some cognitive behaviour management or something to help you.
Hang in there and keep posting. Being on here is a form of therapy in itself and god knows, we all know where you're coming from!!
HUGS

I relate to EVERYTHING you said. When I was in a dark place, I would wish for a broken bone or illness for attention. I thought how sick am I?? I used to also have a sense of freedom and threw caution to the wind when I lost weight. Maybe soon you will be willing to stop weighing yourself? It causes me to spiral out of control. Sometimes I put off writing or meditating even though I KNOW I should be doing it. I think it's the ED taking over trying to push me back down. Keep talking about it because the ED wants you to hide it. It feeds off of that. Just keep doing what you are doing. I know it will get better.

thank you forestfreek and Danita, I do not have a therapist per say for my ED she is the medical doctor for it and will give me the same advice and instructions as in the past, some times it works other times I bring it home and do nothing. I cant afford a therapist to be cognitive behavior I have tried it it was hard but was some success, just to costly. I don't find what you say to be offensive forest it is true for me, I have always seeked attention growing up and I guess I still do. I have to put life stressors at the back and get healthy. I have been having very bad headaches and some hair is coming out, not handfuls, but it didn't do that before. we will see what the blod work shows. thans again, we can do it

Don't be afraid to eat healthy foods Ann. We need nourishment to stay healthy or things like hair falling out and headaches will happen. My purging has caused my iron level to drop to 5 when normal is around 45 if I remember correctly. The side effects of it are not pleasant at all.