I'll go first I guess. :)

I am not in recovery and the reasons are many...

I'm scared of what I would be without my eating disorder. Its such a large part of me, and I am fearful that without it, I'll feel like an empty shell. I won't know how to deal with feelings or emotions, and I will be stripped of my lifes coping mechanism.

I feel the same way.Sometimes I think i wouldn't have made it this far if I given up that control.

hi i just threw my scale away today. i have been taking topamax for a month but just quit b/ping thursday. friday i felt like i was having a heart attack...i am looking heavy duty for a good therapist now. i don't want to die from this it has been 7 long years. i have 2 wonderful kids and many great friends on here and at where i live. family,well i consider all my friends my family. so thank you to all on here for telling me like it is! i am scared but i am ready

I am in recovery for the most part, if that makes sense. When I had my daughter, I realized that I didn't want her to grow up thinking that not eating was normal and have to go through the pai that I have in facing this demon, so I just made myself do better. I quit the diet pills when I got pregnant and just never took anymore, and I made sure I was eating fairly regularly. Until my life started getting crazy again, I did very well. Now, though, I have to check myself at certain points in the day- did I eat? What did I eat? Did I sit down with my daughter for at least ONE meal? Some days I do good, others not so good, but I know I will perservere until I am back where I was. I have not lost and kept off more than 10 pounds at any time during my flare up. I don't want my daughter to think that bones have to be showing for you to be beautiful. So the biggest inspirer for me was and still is my daughter. If it wasn't for her, I would be right back in it again.

I am working towards recovery. I have had a therapist for a while but we only just started addressing the "disorganized eating" issue last week. I binge eat; I want to recover because I have three kids who are moving into adolecence...and I don't want them to learn this behavior.I spend an overwhelming amount of time and energy on anything associated with eating. I spend all day thinking about it and I can't concentrate on anything else like my family, my job, or my schooling. Plus overstuffing just plain hurts!

I was in recovery, for the most part for over a year. The thoughts though, for me never went away. Now that I am feeling stressed and like everything is slipping away and my support network is non existent, I am grasping for a coping skill and relapsed. I went back to the thinking of when I was sick people paid attention and wanted to help and were a part of my life. They cared. With my eating disorder it gave me some sort of self. When I was sick I was a recognizable person. It gave me something that not a lot of other people had. Now that I feel like I could slip into the shadows and no one would notice, the ED voice is kicking my ass. I want ot be thin and pretty and in control. The hardest part is I have 3 girls and I don't want them to end up with this dreadful illness. Trying to find the strength to reach out, but other then the internet, I am failing miserably.
I hope you are able to find recovery, for you and for your family!

i am just starting with recovery (7 days)--and i hope this time i can make it for the long haul and not get side tracked!!! i had been binging and purging many times a day for the last 5 months, and although i would say that i have definitely been bulmic for over 10 years, this cycle was just so much more destructive than ones in the past that i finally had to put my foot down. the events that led up to this decision were 1. that my husband and i are financially strapped right now and i just finally couldn't afford to spend the extra money on my ED, 2. that i had been laying around the house doing nothing by b/p all day and after 5 months of this i just couldn't take feeling sorry for myself anymore. 3. i was beginning to get some really nasty side effects. my hair has been falling out, my eyes we bloodshot to the point that they really just looked awful all of the time, and i was getting extremely lightheaded/seeing stars just about every time i stood up.
one note is that this is something i am really just doing by myself and with the help of this website. i really have a fear of meds/therapy so i am not using either, but if my condition begins to get worse again i have decided that i will begin treatment. i cannot go back to this again.

I have been in recovery for alcoholism for 3+ years and the whole time I refused to let go of my eating disorder. It was too scary. It had been my crutch for 12 years. The last year I went to treatment, have seen a therapist, a nutritionist, and still been active in my eating disorder. Just last week I hit a point where I became so exhausted and fed up with my bulimia running my life, numbing me from my feelings, blocking out love, etc. I was able to get honest. What changed, I don't know. I just finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Thank God. (I am totally scared shitless though!!)

I am in the path to recovery. I see a therapyst and I am making little progresses everyday... I haven't overeat in the past two weeks and I have discovered that I do much better when I am busy... I have volunteered to teach 2 time a week and I am taking a class aside from my regular job. It can get crazy sometimes but I feel more of a sane person like that than just going to the office and back home everyday