Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I have an eating disorder and it brought me to weight loss surgery. Much of my life food was keeping me from suicide. I was abused psychologically and verbally in my pre-teen and teenaged years. Food was comfort in times of pain and joy when I felt happiness. What was keeping me alive, was simultaneously killing me. In January of 2017, I became diabetic and hypertensive and was generally going downhill. I wish this on nobody, it's a hell so bad as to preclude accurate description. I am now almost two weeks post-op and by the estimation of the medical community, I should be feeling better but every day is a struggle. I am off 6 out of the 7 daily medications I needed in order to live yet I still struggle. What do I do to give myself joy in the absense of being able to go to the one thing that used to? I felt especially bad yesterday. I am not supposed to eat anything at this point yet I did. You know what's sick? I don't feel sad for eating the food, I feel sad that it tasted so empty and brought me no joy. Prior to surgery, the food I ate would have been an immediate pick-me-up. All I did was feel full devoid of any feeling which ended up making me feel worse.
Congratulations on getting through surgery and for reaching out here. Sometimes it's a tough thing to do, but finding support is always a good step.
It sounds like you're hung up on this appraisal of food that you once had - attaching an emotion to it and deciding "this is the thing that brings me comfort" in times of happiness or sadness, as you said. I believe it's very difficult to break the habit when you've been an emotional eater your entire life - it takes some effort to re-train your mind and tell yourself "this is fuel, this is my energy source, this is nourishment."
You mentioned that food was present during some of the happy times. What made those times happy? Was it the food, or was it the people, the event, the accomplishment, the celebration, etc.?
I'm not the best advice-giver here, but I do think it's possible, and I think you are entirely capable, of finding the joy in those moments where food is not present.
I always suggest doing something creative. Anything. Write, draw, do origami, re-decorate a room, grab some paints from a craft store and even if you don't feel like you have an image in your mind that you could pull out, just start until something starts to form and let your imagination take you away.
Maybe, for you, it would be helpful to get into cooking. Make a healthy dinner for someone you love!
I believe you (and I mean the general "you") can find joy in accomplishing the feat of putting something in the world that could never exist without you to put it there.
I'm sorry for rambling, I just hope I can help at all.
I wish you all the best.