Honestly, I'm questioning why I am here. I think I have disordered eating but have never met full criteria for any of the eating disorders, including the OSFEDs so I question if I even have disordered eating sometimes. I meet all criteria for anorexia, except being medically underweight. I restrict what I eat and track it in an app, I workout to burn off what I do eat, I am terrified of gaining weight, and am constantly comparing my weight to others (even if we aren't the same height). For me, I feel like I am not good enough unless I am the skinniest one in the room. I love the feeling of getting out of bed and my vision going black and me having to hold on to the side of my bed because I am light-headed; I know I shouldn't, but I do. But see, I struggle with this because as soon as I go a day without eating and I am proud of myself (which is the opposite of how I should feel and I know that but I don’t), I end up eating a lot of food. I wouldn't say they are binge eating episodes as I don't typically eat more than a normal person would in one sitting, but to me, they feel like binges and I have to start all over in my restricting. I guess I am just confused. Am I suffering from an eating disorder or am I not? Typically no, I'm not, I don’t meet any of the criteria for any of the eating disorders, but then what is it that I have because I feel like its way bigger of a problem than just disordered eating. I came here to maybe get a better understanding of what it is I am dealing with and to not feel so alone in my quest for "recovery" (if I even really have something to recover from because I honestly don’t know).