Hello callie101, welcome to the group. I am so sorry you are struggling right now and so glad you found our little group. There are lots of understanding and caring people here who will support you. We are all at different stages in our healing so you are sure to get a well rounded view of the healing process.

I hope you won't give up on yourself completely because you can heal from the ED. If you don't already have a therapist I would urge you to find one and start working on your healing process. I have learned that having an ED is a coping mechanism we use so we don't have to feel our feelings - much like an alcoholic drinks to become numb. There are reasons you needed this coping mechanism and those reasons can be healed so you no longer need the ED to cope. If you can't do therapy right now then please keep coming here and talking to us. Sometimes just being with people who understand gives us the strength to keep moving forward. ((hugs))

Hi, welcome to our group! It's great to have a new comer. I know how isolating, alone and hopeless it feels. I have struggled with my ED since 14 and I'm 30 and have had a really bad relapse the past year and a half and feel I have still made little improvement in this time frame. So I definitely understand feeling like it will never change. Most of us with EDs have interesting family dynamics, and mine is similar to yours- they have made comments before that make it seem they see the ED (and historically have know exactly what was going on) but still no one talks about it, like the elephant in the room. It makes me feel like you do, as if they don't care and I am not worth their time. I will tell you that families often don't know how to deal with EDs. They are confusing even for those of us WITH one, much less someone who cannot comprehend why we do our behaviors. It also is hard for others in our family to acknowledge, especially parents, because I think often they feel it is their fault. So please try not to take their inadequate response as meaning you don't deserve recovery. Are you working with a dietician, psychiatrist or counselor? Any one else in your life that knows about your ED and can support you?

Like I said, my journey has been long and I've felt stuck for so long, but despite that I still believe RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE. As I said, this is a great group with people that have a lot of wonderful insight, and I think you will find that fact that most of us can sympathize with the things you say to be extremely comforting- it is for me.

Please keep reading, posting, and messaging members of the group! Feel free to message me individually as well. Hang in there!

Hi Callie, Welcome to the group :)

I am so sorry you are going through a rough time right now. I have also gone through periods where I felt my life had no meaning or purpose, and it's a pretty dark place to be. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. Please know that others here can identify with your post and you are not alone.
I echo what Lucky said, and strongly recommend getting a therapist or counselor to help support you in your journey in dealing with ED.

This is a great group we have here, with lots of caring people, so please feel free to post often, and reach out to us for support.

I agree with everything said above. Know that simply posting in this group was a huge step. I was so hesitant at first but I figured I didn't have anything to use sitting behind a screen. I'm currently working through. "stuck" rough patch but this group has helped validate so much for me already - I only joined about 2 weeks ago. Continue to reach out, you are worth it!!!

Welcome to the group ☺ Bulimia is a bitch (excuse my language), but hopefully you'll find how totally-not-alone you are on here; we all help each other out, and being a part of this and other groups has really been beneficial for me. Hugs and good thoughts

Hi and welcome to the group. I am sorry you are feeling like this. Keep posting and we will do our best to help you when you are feeling like this. Hugs, Laya

Hey Callie! I am new to this online stuff too so I'm not sure how I'm supposed to reply but imma do it my way ;)
I totally understand what you are going through. I am 25 and I recently told my mother about my bulimia and she had no reaction. It is hitting me pretty hard. It is tough when the people around you aren't there for you. I can get mad and try to make them care but I've come to realize that you can't base your life on other people's reactions. Your problems are not insignificant, never doubt how you feel. If you need someone who is always going to be there for you then you can let God in. I talk to him everyday out loud like a weirdo. Things like "God does my hair look good today?" Random things to keep him in my everyday life and then it is easy to let him in when I'm really struggling.
I hope this website helps you! Happy New Year!

Claire.

Thank you all for your encouragement. I am not seeing a counselor (I have had some very negative experiences with counselors in the past) and no one knows that I am currently dealing with this. I haven't really had any friends since college. I just have my husband and my family. I told myself that if someone confronted me about it, I would tell them the truth. I've lost 12 pounds in the last two week and I've had multiple people tell me how great I look. All who know I have dealt with an eating disorder. I am starting to throw up a bit of blood now. I know I need to stop, but I can't. Maybe I don't want help. Idk. But it really hurts to know that no one in my life pays enough attention to me to know how much I'm struggling.

It breaks me to hear you write this Callie. Mostly because this is so similar to my currently story and it is destroying me as well. The comments on the weight loss are intoxicatingly. Conversely when ppl DONT notice I get upset feeling like I'm no doing good enough for them to notice me.

Finding a counselor is a terrifying experience and unfortunately there are many that aren't good as therapists or just aren't educated in the complexities of EDs. It is so scary to open up to someone professionally especially to feel they didn't know how to treat you but in the end I don't think any of us can do this and heal without specialists on our team. Most of us have too much trauma and entrenched beliefs to do this on our own. I hope you are able to consider finding someone that is well trained that can be a support for you and help guide you, especially since your family obviously doesn't know how to be of support to you. Right or wrong not trying to point blame at them it's jus a fact for the moment. Husbands often love us but just don't understand. I'm glad you're reaching out here for support. I hope you can consider talking to a doctor to make sure everything is ok physically w the bleeding when vomiting. Serious things like bleeds and ruptured esophaguses can happen and are life threatening and I would hate for that to happen. I know it's embarrassing going to a doctor to tell them what you're doing...please let us know what we can do to support you! We are here for you.