Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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jasgall 09/28/2013

Despite my therapist and closest friends telling me that it's not my fault, I feel at least partially responsible for my 16 year old sister's bulemia. My therapist told me today that she has to make the choice to recover just as I did. I want to help her, but I don't know how to do that without falling into the trap of our ED's "competing" with each other. I live on my own, but I'm in a rough spot right now financially and may have to move. Because of this & other general life stress, my mental illness symptoms (all of them) have gone through the roof. I can't stand the thought of knowing that my sister & my friend is suffering so horribly on so many levels and I'm not there to help. I've thought about moving back to Dad's until I get on my feet, but I fear that that would just make things worse for both my sister & me. I am disabled and my Dad's house is not on a bus route and isn't very accessible. Besides, that would put my sister & I around each other 24/7 again, which would make recovery for us both VERY difficult. I've been tackling this demon for 4 years. I have not been on a diet since I was 22. I've also stopped chewing & spitting, although I still think about it. My sister, on the other hand, has been in denial about it and just recently got diagnosed. Thoughts? What would you do?

sarasota34233 09/28/2013

Hi! I can first say that I think your therapist is right...your sister has to make the choice to get the help that she needs...and she needs to realize how serious her eating disorder really is and how damaging it will become if she continues. You need to focus on you and your recovery...and is sounds like you are doing a fabulous job. I am proud of you. It does not seem like it will be good for either of your EDs if you move back home. You are in a place of being newly recovered and need to avoid triggers as much as you possibly can...and this will be a trigger. I am glad that you realize this...as hard as it is to watch your sister suffer. Maybe help her get into therapy or into a therapy group or support group...but that is all you can do. She had to do the work herself.

deleted_user 09/28/2013

We can't make people have an eating disorder, just as we can't make them stop having them. You are not to blame. The one thing you can do for your sister is to show her a good example, by taking care of yourself and making sure you get the help you need. By showing her an ED is something to take seriously, and that it can be beaten!
I think it is awesome that you managed to stop chewing and spitting, and to stop dieting. That is a wonderful example and not just for your sister.

I hope things will work out for you. Not an easy place to be, the spot you are in. But with your kind of courage, I just know you are gonna get through this.

jasgall 09/29/2013

Thank you. Thankfully, she had the incredible maturity to ASK to see a therapist when she was first struggling with cutting. She is back in therapy after leaving treatment. She was only in for 3 days. So proud of her.

deleted_user 09/29/2013

That is awesome. I have the feeling your good example has helped her make such a healthy decision. Power to you both.

wildflowers44 10/05/2013

jasgall,

First off, congratulations for having come so far in your recovery. The fact that you are fighting this battle and WINNING makes you an extremely strong person, and that is truly something to be proud of.

I am so sorry to hear your younger sister is dealing with an eating disorder as well. Please, please know that it is NOT your fault. I can completely understand why you feel that way and can relate 100%, but you do not need to take any responsibility for this. It is a fact that eating disorders run in families, so it is possible you and your sister share similar genes, as well as environmental factors, that have contributed to you both developing eating disorders. But it is not your fault!

As far as moving back in with your dad, I can see why that is a tough choice. On one hand, it could give you a stable place to live while you get things sorted out, but on the other, I understand why you are concerned about being triggered by your sister (and vice versa). Eating disorders are definitely competitive in nature, and it would certainly be a challenge to be around your sister. It's hard, because on one hand, you are genuinely concerned about your sister's well-being, but on the other, you feel you need to compete with her. The former, the genuine, loving person is YOU, and the latter, well, that's the eating disorder talking.

Always keep in mind the reasons you want to recover. Make a list and post it somewhere where you can see it daily. Now, don't you want to recover, regardless of what your sister does? I am sure you don't want to go back to the depths of your eating disorder. Sure, you COULD go back there, but why would you want to? You have come too far and fought too hard to go back.

I'm sorry I just wrote you a novel, but I can relate so much to your situation. I've been trying to recover from anorexia, and my younger sister has recently started developing anorexia as well. It's hard for me to sit back and watch and feel so powerless, because there's nothing I can do about it. But what we can do is be good examples for our younger sisters by fighting hard and taking good care of ourselves. Remember, you are strong and can do anything you set your mind to. Take good care.

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