Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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searchingforbalance
searchingforbalance

I am having one of those moments where you're alone, on your knees, crying. It's 3 AM here and I'm still awake, angry at myself. I binged two weeks ago, promised I'd never do it again, proceeded to binge 2 days ago, swore I had a breakthrough and would never do it again, and here I am, and I binged again. I feel awful, mostly because I've been through this all before. 



Two years ago, I binged so much during the summer that I looked completely different than I did at the end of the last school year. The next year, I "fixed" myself, and restricted, taking me to the other extreme. Now, I'm back to where I was and I'm so angry and scared. I don't want this to happen my whole life. I am so uncomfortable in my body and just want OUT! 



I want to "fix" this, but I don't know what to do. Every time after a binge I've sworn I'd be different, but I keep messing up. Every time I'm with my friends or going through social media, I am in tears because everyone looks so thin and happy, even though deep down I know that shouldn't matter...This disorder is making me hate food and hate myself. I'm so lost and honestly feel like giving up. 

red47640
red47640
I went through a similar thing, and am in a similar place right now. The only thing I can say is that unfortunately, you can't just flip the Binge Eating switch to the "OFF" position. I wish it were that simple, but recovery takes time and can't be forced. Are you in counseling or getting some form of outside help? I've found that group therapy with an ED group really helped me, more so even than individual counseling because the other group members were going through the same thing I was. Recovery is a long and frequently frustrating process-- it can take years, or in my case, decades. The biggest part is intent; you have to want it, same as with every other endeavor, otherwise you will always be stuck in the same place. I hope I'm not coming across as a total bee-otch, because I know how it feels... Actually, I'm feeling it now to an extent. Hopefully this helps... Be strong and fight the good fight ☺
searchingforbalance
searchingforbalance
Thank you so much for you're replay LOT - you are not coming across in a rude way at all! It's just what I needed - some "tough love"! I am in individual therapy, but have never thought of group therapy before...I will see if I can give that a try. You are very right about having to want recovery. I will be praying for you on your journey as well. Best wishes!
hopeful27
hopeful27
I'm so sorry you've been having a hard time! I wish recovery was easier. I had the same problem a few months ago. Anytime something went wrong, I would binge to ease the pain. But it honestly only made things worse for me. I would feel so guilty after the binge and then I would be in physical pain after a purge. I couldn't do it anymore, so I stopped grocery shopping. I wouldn't allow myself to keep food in the house because I couldn't trust myself around it. But that just pushed me in the other direction and I started to restrict. My therapist recently recommended the food and feelings workbook and a 5 minute meditation every morning and night. I'm not sure if you've ever looked into those things, but it's worth a shot! I'll be praying for you during your recovery! <3