Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I don't know what happened this morning...
I ate my weetabix in the morning as usual.
It's the first time my Mum has been back to work after having a week off and my head took over. I binged big time and I don't usually binge. I ate 2 crackers, 6 ritz crackers, 3 handfuls of sugar puffs, a slice of bread and honey and a plain chocolate bar...
Mum came in for lunch...I held it together.
As soon as she went back to work I freaked. I tried to throw up...(even though I know I can't). So I went downstairs and found everything I could that in excess would give you a bad stomach but would go unnoticed. I ate about 8 prunes, 3 large handfuls of sultanas, a handful of grapes, and another 2 weetabix. Then I had triple the dose of lactulose (laxative) and another 2 of my Mum's extra strength laxatives (I had 1 once and it worked very fast!)
I now feel like shit...physically and mentally. Why do I do this to myself? I've never done anything like this before...I've had a little binge at about 250 cals max but this!? I'm just feel completely out of control! What's even worse is that I'll have put on weight...if I've put on weight my BMI will go up. If my BMI goes up I wont be seen as urgent and I'm more likely to be refused help. I don't think I even deserve help anymore.
x-Bliss-x
I ate my weetabix in the morning as usual.
It's the first time my Mum has been back to work after having a week off and my head took over. I binged big time and I don't usually binge. I ate 2 crackers, 6 ritz crackers, 3 handfuls of sugar puffs, a slice of bread and honey and a plain chocolate bar...
Mum came in for lunch...I held it together.
As soon as she went back to work I freaked. I tried to throw up...(even though I know I can't). So I went downstairs and found everything I could that in excess would give you a bad stomach but would go unnoticed. I ate about 8 prunes, 3 large handfuls of sultanas, a handful of grapes, and another 2 weetabix. Then I had triple the dose of lactulose (laxative) and another 2 of my Mum's extra strength laxatives (I had 1 once and it worked very fast!)
I now feel like shit...physically and mentally. Why do I do this to myself? I've never done anything like this before...I've had a little binge at about 250 cals max but this!? I'm just feel completely out of control! What's even worse is that I'll have put on weight...if I've put on weight my BMI will go up. If my BMI goes up I wont be seen as urgent and I'm more likely to be refused help. I don't think I even deserve help anymore.
x-Bliss-x
I called my Mum and told her what had happened and then I just went to bed to sleep it off.
The initial panicky feelings have gone now and I'm just feeling exhausted right now so I'm staying in bed with my laptop for the rest of the evening.
Thank you for all your support. I have thought about going out but my Mum really doesn't want me to go out on my own at the moment because I feel so light headed a lot of the time. I've just got to try and control the urges as much as I can.
x-Bliss-x