I'm sorry you are feeling so down on yourself right now. It is very hard to heal AM ED when the ED is probably your only coping mechanism. When you get triggered it means you start to feel strong, probably overwhelming, emotions that are difficult to feel. That's when you automatically fall back on a.coping mechanism that works, the ED.

Please don't beat yourself up for using probably the only coping mechanism that has ever worked for you. It takes time to learn how to feel and express your feelings so you no longer need the ED to cope with them. But while you are learning please be gentle with yourself and your process. You are doing great. ((Hugs))

I agree with Lucky... and self-awareness is a bit part of it. What are your most common triggers and why? What other, healthier coping mechanisms help you when you are triggered? These are tough questions to answer, but the biggest step is remembering to just step back for a minute when you are about to binge and asking yourself those questions. At least, that is what I am trying to do. Keep at it, and you are absolutely right that no one is here to judge you. We're all fighting a battle here.

I believe its about taking small steps. You can't go from what you are doing to being fine- that's a completely unrealistic goal. Small steps- firstly don't beat yourself up when you fail-what use is it? Take a step back and see what you have achieved. Maybe refraining for a day longer or having a time when you managed not to pursue these behaviors . Focus on the positives, small steps, in the journey you will take steps forward and maybe a few back but don't beat yourself up about it- really doesn't help does it? Write down the positive things you have achieved, even little things.