Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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usernamezero 09/29/2016

hi everyone, i'm new here. my girlfriend (lgbt) is in recovery from anorexia which she suffered through last year. she went into hospital september 2015 and came out of hospital april 2016, thoughout all this time (june 2015 - june 2016), i didn't see her and didn't meet up with her until late june 2016 due to her confidence issues and the fact that she didn't want to see anyone. basically, her anorexic thoughts and the after-effects began to fade away a couple of months after she came out of hospital, and i can say confidently that she was getting better, mentally. but recently she has been getting worse and won't talk to me about it as i have my own issues with anxiety and school and she doesn't want to put even more stress onto me. instead, she has been posting on an app called Vent and i found her account one day (she doesn't know i know about it) and i have seen and read how she really feels and i honestly brings me to tears instantly. we are both 15 and we've been through shit that a 15 year old shouldn't have to go to. it's been hell these past two years. i thought it was all getting better but now it's suddenly getting worse, her depression and her anxiety and her anorexic thoughts and mindset, everything's getting worse and i honestly don't know what to do. i don't know how to help her, i've tried everything i can but i don't think it's working. i don't have to emotional capacity to go through this all again, i can't have her go back to hospital, i can't just sit and watch as every day she gets skinnier and sicker and i'm stuck, i don't know how to help. does anyone have any advice or has anyone been through the same sort of thing that could help me? i've tried talking to her but she doesn't like talking about it and i don't want to pressure her too much because i'm worried i'll start to piss her off... help??

heretohelp 09/29/2016

First all, i think you're a great girlfriend for being so concerned about her needs and her problems that she is currently facing. I think you're really young to be putting all her stress and angst on yourself. There''s a healthy balance, but remember you have to take care of yourself. If she doesn't want to talk, it will make it really hard to get through to her. A lot of people that have an eating disorder are ashamed and feel like they don't want to bother their loved ones with their problems. They dont want to be a burden. You should try and have a serious conversation where you sit down and tell her that it would make YOU feel better if she confides in you, because you want to help. I wouldn't push her, you are right about that. If that doesnt work maybe the only thing you can do is be supportive, always let her know you are available to talk, but give her some space. If it starts affecting your relationship then maybe you need to revisit.

All in all, i would focus on keeping yourself happy and healthy. You cant fix her, she will need to do that on her own. You should know that you are a great person for being so caring and considerate.

LP0126 09/29/2016

Hi- I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. From being the person on the side suffering from an ED I can tell you she's just as miserable as you are. And I don't want to make you feel bad but there really isn't anything you can do other than let her know you are there and that's it. It's her journey and EDs tell us we have to be alone and isolate us. Don't try to fix her. take care of yourself. That's not very helpful I don't think but she knows you care and you'll be there if she need you and the rest is he journey. EDs take months and years to recover. It's not going to be a quick fix and there will be lots of ups and downs for her. TAKE CARE OF YOU.. You need to be able to be healthy to help her if and when she is ready to ask for help: we will wish we could take the pain away from our loved ones with addictions and mental health problems and it's he worst feeling to have to sit back and love them from afar. I want to tell you though- my mental health journey started when o was 12 and I've been 15 like you and dealing with too much shit for someone so young.. It makes you stronger. You see life In a different way and when you grow up and have a career and family it makes you who you are. Never stop fighting! Message me if you want to talk more!

forestfreek 10/02/2016

Hey there, username....
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this with your girlfriend. I have to say that I agree with the other 2 replies - you need to take care of yourself. There is absolutely nothing you can do to take this away or "cure" her - she has to WANT to do it herself (which is a very difficult place to get to for any person suffering from an ED - you vacillate constantly between wanting to be well and wanting to be left the hell alone with your ED!!). I think you are courageous and kind for coming on here and trying to get support for yourself and her. That speaks volumes about your morals and character. My suggestion would be to get yourself into some therapy so that you have a non-biased third party to talk to. I would never be so forward as to say that you need to leave your girlfriend but honestly what I can tell you from MANY years of experience with my own EDs is that someone enabling you does not help. Many people with EDs will manipulate and feed off of the attention that they get from their loved ones. Be careful that you don't inadvertently get sucked into that trap. Lovingly suggest to her that she needs to follow through with some resources to help herself and that you will be there to support her. But definitely do take care of YOU!!!
HUGS
Jen

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