Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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I can't do it!

xBlissx
xBlissx
So after posting my thread 'Circles' on here yesterday I decided to try again with the food. I talked to my Mum so she knew I wanted to try again too.

I had the food I would have had at day patients (I didn't go yesterday) which was morning snack, lunch and afternoon snack, and then I had my dinner and pudding at night like I'm supposed to.

By the end of the night I felt awful and self harmed.

Today I got up with the doubts, I didn't want to do it but I was cheered up a bit when my Mum's flowers came for tomorrow. I asked for reassurance from my Mum about what I should do today after last night. Continue with the plan or not. She told me to continue. I had lunch and Mum went out. I freaked about putting on the weight and thought fuck it, i've already screwed up restricting yesterday and today which means I'm GOING to put on weight! I binged.

Now I want to self harm again and eat nothing for the rest of today...and tomorrow... and ever again! I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
hun, you need to stick to your meal plan, regardless of slips with restricting, bingeing, or any other behaviors. You will feel uncomfortable for a little while, but it will make things SO MUCH easier within a couple of weeks. continue with your day patients meal plan for the rest of the day. It might feel icky and you might feel anxious, but stick around your mom and others to prevent you from doing anything.

Things WILL get better if you just keep sticking to the plan, I promise!
xBlissx
xBlissx
I have stuck to my meal plan. I missed my chocolate bar for afternoon snack as I binged. I had plenty to cover me for that so I just had a drink in the afternoon but I continued to have what I was supposed to for the rest of the day. I had my dinner and my pudding and I feel better again now. I'm not freaking out and I've had quite a nice afternoon.

I also made the decision that tomorrow we're all going out for a meal tomorrow for Mothers Day and I will be eating out with them. It'll be a big challenge but I think I'll be ok with it. We are going for an Indian which I know is really high in calories but rather than just not eat until dinner I'm going to try having a salad at lunch so that I'm still eating when I should be. I'm not sure what I'll do about the snacks yet though. It is normal to cut back in the day if you're going out for a big meal at night though isn't it?

x-Bliss-x
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hey -- as I'm sure you know, you're just setting yourself up for a binge in the evening if you restrict all day. I don't know what your meal plan is, but if you protein-load in the morning, it really helps with appetite control later on.

Also, not all Indian food is high calorie! Sure, the fried things are (samosas -- yum), but there are some low-cal options too. Not that I think that should be your concern -- I would be more focused on enjoying a meal and celebrating Mother's Day!
deleted_user
deleted_user
"It is normal to cut back in the day if you're going out for a big meal at night though isn't it?"

Honestly hun, not if you have an ED. Maybe it's ok to pick foods that will sit better with you, but not really to "cut back." Think about your treatment-- is cutting back during the day something they allow if you've chosen something risky for dinner?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Cutting back before a large meal out is not a good idea. I have done this in the past, and it just made it harder to eat the good food when I finally had it. I felt full after just a few bites because my stomach was shrinking from lack of food. I missed my favorite meal several times due to this.

I agree with what was said above... stick to food that sit well with you.

Alice
xBlissx
xBlissx
Just an update as I've had replies. We're not going out for the meal anymore because my Mum would find it more relaxing to stay in so we'll be sitting together for a meal for the first time instead.
It's just going to be a normal meal so I've stuck to my original meal plan and had everything I'm supposed to today.

Thank you for everone's advice. I had decided that if we were still going out I wouldn;t restrict all day and would have easier snacks and a salad for lunch.

x-Bliss-x
deleted_user
deleted_user
Congratulations on sticking to your plan! That is a great accomplishment for a day off. It is exactly what you need to do to recover. Keep up the good work. You're quite inspirational!
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