i'm sorry that you're struggling.....something that made me fight back ED was making a list of why i wanted to get healthy and why i wanted to beat ED.....if you make that list one of the things could be "accept a compliment and not overthink it"......something that also helped me A LOT was to write a letter to ED telling it to leave and another one telling it to stay......once i read them, it made me realize how distorted my thinking is......keep fighting ED!!!!! you're strong!!! i believe you can do it!!!!

Something I've been thinking on today is that at some level the ED thoughts are possibly always going to be with me, but I still have a choice as to what I do with them and how I deal with them.

In order to start on the path of recovery I had to "act as if...." until being well became second-nature. "Fake it til you make it!"

This morning some random negative ED thoughts popped up. I said to myself "Thank you for sharing that... but I choose wellness...." It was not based on a feeling or emotion or strong desire to do the right thing for myself.... just a bland choice.

For some reason which I suspect is related to fear about failure in my future (now that I've qualified finally in the professional TESOL course), the ED thoughts have been coming a bit more frequently. I know that fear of the future is a huge trigger - I can't control the future BUT I can control what I do or don't put in my mouth etc.

Danger, danger, Will Robinson!!! This is so NOT good territory to venture into Kim. I've been recently feeling dissatisfied with my body again.... sigh!!!!! Come on Kim. You know this is NOT helpful and can only end in tears and tantrums. I need to acknowledge the "sick thoughts" then choice from my wise self the action that challenges those and then move forward on it.

To be honest, these thoughts/feelings completely took me by surprise.... but at least I've faced them, traced them (to fear) and now just have to work on the next 2 steps, erase and replace.

- Face painful emotion/memory/thought
- Trace it back to its origin
- Erase the lie-based thought
- Replace the thought with something that serves me :-)

Can anyone else relate?

valgal you make some very good suggestions, I will try, I struggle with list making, end up with a blank mind but it cant hurt to try again, even if it is small. you are so right about accepting a compliment and not getting triggered, I only get that when it is related to how I look, I take it as thinking they think I am "cured" and I look healthy. crazy. kim I realate totally with you, but you have those tools you work so well with and use them to fight back ed. it is normal to have fear about the unknown and for old comfortable habits to resurface. I know you can battle these and accept them as for what they are, ed trying to sink in when you at a low point and I know you will kick ass. you have come so far and you are handling all the thoughts to the best of your ability.