Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Why am I like this?
I just don't get how I think or behave, yesterday I did really well, and only had 3 wafer things all day, that were about 13 calories each, and water, I was so pleased with myself as I was going up to bed last night.
But then I have to undo it all today, by sitting and stuffing my face, like the big, fat horrible, pig that I am. I wouldn't mind if I had the courage to make myself sick afterwards, but I have a phobia about being sick, and if I took laxatives I'd never be off the you know what - I can need to run to the bathroom up to 8 times a day anyhow so I don't think I dare, although I think that I just use that as an excuse and that I'm just a chicken and not strong enough, although it is true I have to run to the bathroom like that - god see I'm arguing with myself writing this now - ARGH! Sorry guys.
Tomorrow I'll probably be checking every calorie that passes my lips again, only to undo it all again and end up stuffing my face.
I wish I could just eat normally instead of being this messed up thing, that isn't even normal enough to really come under any catagory of ED - except my own I call me, which I'm far too polite to share on here.
I wish I had the courage to talk to a doctor about this but I don't - they all look at me like they know I sit stuffing my face all day every day anyway, and I'm to ashamed to admit to them that they are partly right, I do often binge to the point where my stomach hurts.
I feel so sad, and alone about this, I also can't talk to my family as I used to self harm a lot, and have got put on some really good medication now that helps with all that stuff, it's just this thing with eating and food, and if I mention it, all I'll get is that I'm "going like that again" from my judgemental mother!
Is there anyone else out there who does this kind of thing, or that has recovered from this who can tell me how to just eat normally, and not either think food is my mortal enemy one minute, or my best friend the next. I am putting so much weight on I cannot go on like this. Any advice would really help.
Many thanks
I just don't get how I think or behave, yesterday I did really well, and only had 3 wafer things all day, that were about 13 calories each, and water, I was so pleased with myself as I was going up to bed last night.
But then I have to undo it all today, by sitting and stuffing my face, like the big, fat horrible, pig that I am. I wouldn't mind if I had the courage to make myself sick afterwards, but I have a phobia about being sick, and if I took laxatives I'd never be off the you know what - I can need to run to the bathroom up to 8 times a day anyhow so I don't think I dare, although I think that I just use that as an excuse and that I'm just a chicken and not strong enough, although it is true I have to run to the bathroom like that - god see I'm arguing with myself writing this now - ARGH! Sorry guys.
Tomorrow I'll probably be checking every calorie that passes my lips again, only to undo it all again and end up stuffing my face.
I wish I could just eat normally instead of being this messed up thing, that isn't even normal enough to really come under any catagory of ED - except my own I call me, which I'm far too polite to share on here.
I wish I had the courage to talk to a doctor about this but I don't - they all look at me like they know I sit stuffing my face all day every day anyway, and I'm to ashamed to admit to them that they are partly right, I do often binge to the point where my stomach hurts.
I feel so sad, and alone about this, I also can't talk to my family as I used to self harm a lot, and have got put on some really good medication now that helps with all that stuff, it's just this thing with eating and food, and if I mention it, all I'll get is that I'm "going like that again" from my judgemental mother!
Is there anyone else out there who does this kind of thing, or that has recovered from this who can tell me how to just eat normally, and not either think food is my mortal enemy one minute, or my best friend the next. I am putting so much weight on I cannot go on like this. Any advice would really help.
Many thanks
the first step is seeking out help. you can't do this alone. good luck hun
when i was really really sick, i never thought i'd be ok..but since i have gotten a bit healthier, it's a little easier to feel ok with eating more normal (not meaning huge amounts of food), just normal things..normal times, etc.
it is scary to gain weight..but once your body is healthier, you're not starved of nutrients, you might mentally not feel so out of control.
then of course, there are all the underlying issues that the ED covers up as well.
I have an ED (I can't believe that I am actually admitting it!) but I have never binged or been an overeater, But I do have family members who do and they need just as much help as any of us.
Please seek out some help, it sounds like you want to somewhat. Calling yourself these terrible names has to stop. You have to learn to love yourself...with or without your judgemental mother.
As I mentioned before, binging is an ED, and requires just as much intervention as any other type of eating disorder.
Im glad to see also ( same as erica) that ur not asking for starvation tips... i thought u were at first..
please be sensible, know we are all here for you and never give up...
much love, x
First things first, stop telling yourself that by eating 39kcal all day you are doing "really well". It is almost inevitable that restricting will lead you down to the road to purging, because your body is desperate. If you're not feeding your body properly and consistently, you can't expect to be mentally strong enough to stop bingeing. And please, don't beat yourself up because you're not using laxatives. They are a bad way to go and have left me with permenant damage.
You said that you have a history of self-harming. Could it be that the same issues that drove you to that were not fully resolved and are causing you to take your anxiety out on food? If so, perhaps you need to find a psychiatrist who can help you deal with or at least learn to cope with these issues. Until ou seek help, I really feel it is pointless asking people how to eat normally, because I'm sure you're aware that you should eat 3 meals a day alternated with 3 snacks or 5-6 smaller meals spead throughout the day. Most people with eating disorders know more about nutrition that most doctors, but they have problems applying it when they are struggling with other things.
I know you are reluctant to seek professional help, but you are an adult and your GP has no right to judge you or share your info with anyone else. I can only try to reassure you that my GP is an absolute god-send. He really listened to what I had to say. He referred me to treatment when I was ready, and didn't argue when I decided to stop treatment because it wasn't right for me at that time. But it was useful and has given me many tools that are helping me to recover.My GP continues to support me, and my recovery is going really well.
x