Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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Going Out

omgMuffins
omgMuffins
This is sort of related to my ED.. I'm anti-social, uncomfortable in social situations, low in self esteem, and generally avoid going out all together. But my boyfriend is a bit of a social person. He doesn't go out often, but I've made a compromise where I'll go out with him once a month, gradually leading to more, if he'll stay home with me some of the nights he normally goes out.

So, my question or needed area of advice would be how to do this. How to go out for a few hours and not smother him with my anti-social tendancies. How do I have fun with him without him having to babysit me? How do I deal with all those people? And how do I not let myself feel down in public because of all the other people dressed in practically nothing and so much skinnier than me?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Great compromise! I guess you can start by thinking about the reasons you're out with him? Focus on having fun, perhaps? Fortunately, you don't have to deal with "all those people." It's difficult not to compare. I just try to remember that I'm probably not the only one in the room feeling inferior.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am the same as you, not social, but my husband is very outgoing. When he and I go out, I stick close to him and let him do most of the talking. I answer questions that people ask of me, but mostly I keep quiet. I don't pay much attention to what others look like or what they are wearing, though this is hard sometimes. Since I usually don't know many of the people, I tell myself that what they think about me does not matter. The social outings do not last forever, and I feel a sense of accomplishment when we head home.
omgMuffins
omgMuffins
I guess I care because they've been in his life far longer than I have. Another thing is that there are girls in things I wouldn't even wear in private. Lingerie is common.. I've been feeling down in regular clothing, how am I supposed to feel and look sexy with that around me?

Oh, and thanks for the relpies so far.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I used to be a fairly social person. ED began to isolate me by pretending it was my only friend and making me feel bad about myself. I made a new years resolution this year to try to be more social, as it is something ED has taken away from me. I have actually been achieving this by making reachable goals, kind of like you are doing. I said I should try to go out at least 2 times a month with a friend. this has also been making me become a little more proactive in contacting people. I also find that when I have the plans ahead of time (know they are coming up) it is much easier than when it is random....
deleted_user
deleted_user
First of all, I totally understand the not liking to go out, but its so muc healthier for us when we do, as much as I still hate to admit it sometimes.
As for dealing with teh people, sick with your bf and talk in whatever group of people he sticks with. If you dont know these people you can experiment with being a new person, chatty and interested, maybe you'll learn someting about his friends that will make for conversation later when you two are alone? Dont feel like you have to "deal" with everyone that is there. Not talking to everyone is totally normal, and feeling overwhelmed by a huge crowd of people is normal too! Thats why i suggest just sticking with his people. LOL.
Talk to your bf ahead and let him in on how to make you feel more comfortable in those social situations and conversations. Make it a team effort :-)