Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I no its long. Its what i wrote in my journal today. I really need some help and someone to tell me that its ok and im better off than others. Thanks x x x
I really need help but i dont want it at the moment. well i do want it because i dont want to be ill all the time and want to be a bit more normal. Im certainly not underwieght, im over weight but ive lost a lot of fat recently which makes me look like i have lost weight but i really havent lost that much or enough. I no i have an ed because my eating is not normal at all. Some days i cant face eating even a crumb and others like today i ve eaten everything in sight so much so i have had 2 dinners a huge lunch and a massive breakfast and if thats not binge enough ive eaten so many sweets and chocolate. I feel so sick i wasnt hungry for any of it. Ive also drank another bottle of that fig laxative and had 12 doeses of a different type of laxative. I just want to chuck and get it all out of my system i feel so sick from all the food and od-ing big time on laxatives. Ive badly decided to buy some cheap vodka so ive been drinking that. not a huge amount but i dont mix well with any sort of alcohol! I hate food so much why do we have to eat? I bought some slimming tablets today aswel not Od on those yet but give it time!!! Im seeing my counsellor again on monday but i just dont have the energy to talk about it anymore, and she just tells me to go on a proper diet (not helpful!). seeing a Pychiatrist this week aswell for the 1st time not really sure what to expect from that. I might have to go to the doctors aswell if i keep up with all these laxatives. I feel so ill and so over full. I hate that i cant just say no and control what i eat. Im so weak why cant i just be a bit stronger. I just want there to be an end where i dont have to fight anymore. someone please help me
I really need help but i dont want it at the moment. well i do want it because i dont want to be ill all the time and want to be a bit more normal. Im certainly not underwieght, im over weight but ive lost a lot of fat recently which makes me look like i have lost weight but i really havent lost that much or enough. I no i have an ed because my eating is not normal at all. Some days i cant face eating even a crumb and others like today i ve eaten everything in sight so much so i have had 2 dinners a huge lunch and a massive breakfast and if thats not binge enough ive eaten so many sweets and chocolate. I feel so sick i wasnt hungry for any of it. Ive also drank another bottle of that fig laxative and had 12 doeses of a different type of laxative. I just want to chuck and get it all out of my system i feel so sick from all the food and od-ing big time on laxatives. Ive badly decided to buy some cheap vodka so ive been drinking that. not a huge amount but i dont mix well with any sort of alcohol! I hate food so much why do we have to eat? I bought some slimming tablets today aswel not Od on those yet but give it time!!! Im seeing my counsellor again on monday but i just dont have the energy to talk about it anymore, and she just tells me to go on a proper diet (not helpful!). seeing a Pychiatrist this week aswell for the 1st time not really sure what to expect from that. I might have to go to the doctors aswell if i keep up with all these laxatives. I feel so ill and so over full. I hate that i cant just say no and control what i eat. Im so weak why cant i just be a bit stronger. I just want there to be an end where i dont have to fight anymore. someone please help me
Everything will be ok in the end.
If its not ok then its not the end.
Just something to think about. Stay strong.
Can you find someone to stay with you until Monday? All those laxatives and diet pills scare me. I would ask you to throw them out but I know that is easier said than done. Even if you are tired of talking about it all, you need to tell your therapist. Do you have insurance to go inpatient for a while? That way you wouldn't have to make any decisions because the doctor makes them for you and you don't have a chance but to do what he says. I know that's sounds bad but sometimes it's the only way to get out of a really bad cycle.