I have lost about 30 pounds in the last year. I can't gain it back I drink ensure plus and have a lists of foods that will help me gain but are still healthy. Everytime i start to make progress I'll gain a couple and then I loose a couple lbs. I look at myself and I just get disgusted and this doesn't help much with my depression. When I was going through a lot of things, I started not coming around my family as much and when it was my biological moms baby shower I got to see everyone, I was so excited but I had a feeling everybody was gonna say something. I was surly correct. I had people telling me they wanted me to come home with them so they could feed me and my aunt even picked a part each part of my body, boobs and butt were especially hurtful, me looking good on the outside always kinda helped with making me feel good on the inside like I know I lost weight and don't look the same I lost almost all confidence as a woman and it was a real fucked up thing to say in my opinion because they all know what I go through. I started crying and hyperventilating it got so bad and I had an anxiety attack. But there was nowhere to go to cry in private so when word got around that I was crying everybody came running as if they didn't say anything and that aunt of mine, when I left said something along the lines of telling me I'm beautiful. Thank you for that but no thank you, I know she only said that because she knew she upset me. and it's really hard to not cry now while writing this because those words still lingure everyday when I look at myself. The hardest part I think would be that when I get depressed I have trouble eating but because I'm so skinny I get depressed so I end up not being able to eat it's a horrible cycle I can't break