Even though I've managed to get through treatments and endure many medical horrors in my life, I don't feel like I've accomplished anything in my life or done anything worth remembering. I'm the youngest in my family and have been trying to fill impossibly big shoes for my whole life. I played sports because my brother did, I sang because everyone in my family sings. I played the piano because both my siblings did! The one thing I got to do was figure skate and I LOVED that, but soon it became "inconvenient" and I had to stop. I feel like if I take away my illnesses and ed and my siblings there's nothing. Truly I am only mini reflections of bits of other people. To protect myself from all the pain I built walls around myself and now I don't even know how to tear it down or let people in. I've been betrayed so many times I have major trust issues. I feel numb to life. Like even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to truly care and have emotions b/c it's so painful and scary. Sorry for the rambling, I'm just feeling very overwhelmed today...