it used to be that i couldn't stop bingeing. for the last several months, i have not wanted to eat after bingeing. i always end up forcing myself just because i know starving myself is really unhealthy. lately, i have been just not wanting to eat. i know i need to. but there are days when i am repulsed by food...days when nothing sounds or looks good...these cycles of starvation are becoming more frequent and lasting longer. that really scares me.

so i sent my dad to get dairy queen this afternoon in an attempt to force myself to eat. so i ended up eating lunch. but afterward i felt very disgusting and became suddenly very aware of my "muffin top", thighs, and other curves. now, i've eaten dinner, but still feel really self-concious.

i'm really frustrated! i can't seem to stay in recovery for more than a week or so. and i feel like such a failure every time i binge or starve. i don't want to die from BED. i just want to be well.

i wanted to find an ED charm for my italian charmbracelet, but all the ones i'm finding are either REALLY expensive or too big for my 9mm bracelet. can anybody help me find a 9mm charm or an awareness bracelet? thanks