Hi Brittaniet,
Do you have a treatment team? Psychologist, MD, Dietician? If you're struggling I would go back and ask for help, or find a treatment team who can support you in your recovery. I thought I didn't need them anymore, and could prove I could recover alone, well I did for a few months then things went downhill pretty fast. I highly recommend you don't try to do it alone. I have anorexia too, with purging, and it sucks to be back where I started in my recovery again. IF you can avoid a relapse please do what you need to in order to stay healthy. Try to balance your diet without labeling food as good or bad. Just keep eating. Don't over-do the exercise. Find a therapist or friend you can rely on to talk to and cope with feelings feeding the ED. I am no expert. I'm a mess, currently. But I take it a day at a time. Today, I did really well. Best of luck to you!

I agree with the others replies. If you have a chance to get in touch with any professionals whove helped you before try and get in touch again. Or if you dont have anyone now is the time to search for help - someone who can help you understand why you feel you need to be skinnier:

Im a big fan of exercise but cross country every day sounds rather harsh and punishing rather than fun running or even serious training. Could you swap some of the cross country for some more body maintenance type of exercise such as Pilates or yoga?

With so much healthy dietary advice flying around its easy to feel our diets arent good enough and this is probably particularly tough of people with an ED. It may be tempting to strive for a perfect diet but that isnt really attainable and can itself become an unhealthy obsession. As eshaw recommends, try to avoid the labelling of foods as good and bad with the associated feelings of guilt.

I couldn't agree or say more then all the above. getting help now is very important, you can get sucked back in so fast and we all need help to stop that and get re focused. good luck and try to say to yourself, I am fine just the way I am because you are.

I agree with everything everyone else has said. I think recovery is definitely a process and a hard one. I struggle with taking rest days from exercise but it's really important. I also struggle with body image and the constant need to be skinnier. I'm trying now to accept my body exactly the way it is now but I do work with a therapist for help with this. Post here as often as you can for support and find a therapist, a dietician, and possibly a psychiatrist. Reach out to others as much as you can and remember you aren't alone. We all understand how you feel. I hope this helps and recovery is possible!

I think over-exercising is a common symptom not just of an eating disorder, body image issues and low self-esteem but also obsessive compulsive disorder. Perfectionism is a meaningless goal, we can NEVER be perfect; those that attempt to be think they're like s**t too.

Hi Brittaniet,
I would echo what others have said - seek professional support in the way of an ED counsellor or therapist. In my experience my recovery has only come by taking these steps. I've been in therapy for the past 9 years and now have good recovery. It's never about the food or the ED or our bodies, but about our deep rooted self-beliefs of ourselves. Take care, Kim x