Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I've had eating disorders on and off for most of my life. I have attended an eating disorder clinic for several years and I have had psychotherapy. Things were at there worst just over 10 years ago, give or take a few years. I also had bad depression during this time.
I have thought that my depression was much improved recently and my eating better too, to some degree.
Recently, very recently my depression has come back. I think it is linked to my purging which has been happening daily for the past two weeks or more. Not purging after eating fills me with such anxiety.
There is more to my story but .... I just need to reach out because I feel so alone and lonelyness just makes things harder to cope with.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, though I am very glad you decided to reach out. You're so right - being lonely makes things even harder. I also understand that feeling lonely and down can make it very difficult to reach out, and so I commend you for making the choice to connect. I am guessing making that choice was not all that easy with how you're feeling at the moment. Depression has a way of telling us lies like we should isolate, like we are unworthy, even when that could not be further from the truth.
The title of your post caught my attention - more specifically, that pesky little word "should". I think all of us get those critical, self-judging voices in our heads from time to time, telling us we should be this, need to do this, ought to be XYZ. Those expectations can fuel so much struggle, so much sadness and self-criticism. It seems that those of us who struggle with eating disorders tend to battle with those critical voices quite frequently.
I challenge you to take a non-judgmental stance towards the voice that tells you that you should be better by now. Where does that voice come from? What (perhaps) unrealistic ideals is that statement based upon?
It makes a lot of sense to me that you might feel frustrated, or perhaps even disappointed, at times, for struggling, for not being completely better, especially after a period of feeling like things had improved. Of course, I do not know you, but I'd be willing to bet a pretty penny that even if you are not exactly where you want to be right now, you have still made progress over the years. It sounds like you have done a lot of work on yourself, with attending the eating disorders clinic and going to psychotherapy. All of that is incredibly hard work! I find it doubtful that you could have done all that work and still be the same person you were before you started.
I invite you to consider that even though you still struggle, perhaps in some ways, you are better than you were before. Of course, I know this does not at all remove the struggle you feel right now. But maybe you can derive strength from knowing that you have faced these things before and certainly, you have the strength within you to be able to face them again. Every time we face our inner demons, we get a little bit stronger and wiser. And even if it does not feel like it, I guarantee that transformation is happening inside of you.
I am not sure if my words have made much sense or if they resonate at all with how you are feeling, but I really just want for you to know that you are not alone, MissMaisy. I, too, have felt loneliness lately, and want to thank you for your post - your words speak to a lot of what I am feeling at the moment and so, through reading your words, you have helped me to feel less alone. Thank you for that.
I used to get on here much more frequently, took a break, but have just been getting back into being more active on here. In the past, I've found this to be a helpful community of people - I hope you can have a similar experience. Please let me know how I can support you.
Take good care of yourself.
Depression is so difficult. It sucks so much joy and peace out of our lives! I think with the purging/depression, it is a never ending cycle. You feel depressed you purge. You purge you feel depressed. (In my case, I felt more shame and guilt than depression.) It would just suck me down deeper and deeper into despair. It sounds like you have taken some healthy steps over the years to help with your problems. Therapy was the number one thing that helped me overcome my struggles. When I was finished with therapy, things seemed so much better and I was able to function in a healthier way. However, my therapist did say that at times we may slip back in to old patterns, because that is what comes naturally to us. In those times, it's important to go back and seek counseling again. Almost like we need a "recharge." Sometimes, we "forget" what we have learned in therapy. Sometimes we just need a refresher. Sometimes, there's new underlying issues that are taking us down a dark road again that need to be dealt with so we can find that peace again. Just because you have gone through therapy, doesn't mean you will never have to go through it again! I would highly recommend seeking out a therapist, preferably someone who specializes in and understands eating disorders. Do you have any support groups in your area for eating disorders? Overeaters Anonymous might be an option. It's important to have support and understanding when we are going through this. Just know, we all fall down at times. We all go back down paths we never thought we would again. Part of the healing process is knowing that we now have some control over how far we allow ourselves to go back down it! Admitting is the first healthy step and the second is seeking help! You are not alone! Wishing you the best!
Wildflower44, looking back I have made a lot of progress and this setback is not as bad as things use to be. It is easy to forget that. Thank you for helping me see this.
Loneliness and the secrecy surrounding an ED go hand in hand. I cannot let my family know my ED has returned. My husband's father has just been diagnosed with a brain tumour and my mum's health isn't good at the moment either. Everyone around me has a lot to deal with right now.
I had surgery at Easter, only my husband and children know about it. This surgery triggered the return of my ED. I promised my husband and GP that the surgery would not impact my mental health. Guess I got that wrong.
When my ED was at its worst I would write poetry. It was the only way I could express myself back then. I'm going to try that again. Maybe that will help me understand myself a bit better.
Agse, your words make so much sense. It took a long time to deal with my ED first time round, only a superhuman would not have a relapse at some point. Some lucky people don't relapse, which is great but I still have some unresolved stuff to deal with. So maybe I have been living with a little time bomb in my head. It makes sense that I should seek help as you say but that is a hard thing to do.
I have found a therapist but fear is stopping me making contact. It is someone that I worked with at an ED clinic. He has retired from the NHS so only seeing private patients now. I'm not sure what to do really. I'm worried that my surgeon will find out that I had an ED, I didn't tell him.