Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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Mental Health
/ Eating Disorders Support Group

Establishing some ground rules for our safe place

forestfreek
forestfreek

Good moring everyone!   TGIF and all that good stuff:)


So, I realize that this group has no Community Leader to help guide and oversee things in our forum.   I actually sent an email inquiring about it as I really have my heart involved in this group but god knows, I likely swear way too much for their liking!!  LOL.   ANYWAY, I do try to be here daily to support and encourage so I write this solely out of concern for our awesome group of people struggling and overcoming EDs.   It's a hard road to travel so it's fantastic that we have each other to go through the journey with - good times and bad.   I feel everyone is very comfortable posting here with details about their struggles and triumphs.   We need to continue with that as it makes healing all the more possible:))


Can I ask one favour of people though?  Can we try to refrain from posting specific numbers pertaining to what we weigh, want to weigh, think we should weigh or calories we've intaken through out the day?    I think that kind of stuff is intrinsically triggering to people with EDs and it's causing some of our dear members to struggle.  For example, if you are really put up a fight on a certain day to eat a healthy amount of calories, instead of posting what we literally took in calorie-wise, could we just come on here and post that we are struggling to eat that day?   I just fear that there are going to be ones that are going to shy away from coming here for fear of being triggered.   That would be a shame as our group is really thriving right now:)))))


Thoughts?  What do you guys think?   I'm not trying to overtake the board or anything, I'm just trying to keep it a haven and a sounding spot for everyone.


HUGS all


Jen

forestfreek
forestfreek
Tuxedomck and Silverlight, please start coming back if you need the support. We have a really great group right now. In times of struggle HERE is where you need to be:)))
forestfreek
forestfreek
GRRRR! This site annoys me....lol. Silverlight, I tried to send you a friend's request but I am experiencing "dead button" syndrome and it won't send you one. If you see this feel free to send me a request instead - unless my glitch un-glitches itself soon:)))
silverlight
silverlight
Thank You,forestfreek i sent you a friend request :)
LP0126
LP0126
I think it is healthy for us to be able to openly state our boundaries. With an ED most of us struggle with boundary issues in our lives. I cannot have people posting restriction calorie numbers. That makes the ED voice in my head try to compete and prove that I'm not sick enough and not good enough. Maybe some day I will be strong enough but that information is detrimental to my recovery at this point. So I will choose to "ignore" those postings to keep myself safe and headed in the right direction. Similarly disclosing an significantly underweight number is hugely triggering and I cannot engage in posts like that. I hope this conversation is helping us all identify what makes us feel safe and what we need to be cautious of as we all define what healthy recovery looks like for us individually.
sonnycamehome
sonnycamehome
Well said LP, and I think knowing our boundaries is an important part of our recovery. So is self care and knowing when to ignore certain posts.
LuckyEmpath
LuckyEmpath
It seems we are perhaps 50/50 on how to handle this situation. No matter what is decided by us as a group we need to understand that anyone new coming onto the board will not know these rules and may post information that is triggering. This happens on other boards as well and when they do we usually respond to their post kindly and then let them know the rules - which on those boards is that you can post whatever you want to post but if you are going to go into details to please put **TW** in the subject line.

For this board if we decide the rule will be to put **TW** in the subject line then we need to come up with what we will tell someone new. A reply to their post would be supportive and focused on their issue but then explain the rules as "We want you to feel comfortable posting what you need to post to help you heal. We understand that the people here are all at different stages in their healing process and we ask that, in the future, you please put **TW** in the subject line if you plan on revealing weights, scale numbers, etc. This will help those who are triggered by these numbers to decide on their own if they can read your post or if it will be too triggering for them".

Or we could simply share the rule is - no numbers at all.
forestfreek
forestfreek
The purpose of this post wasn't to try and force people into stringent rules and guidelines (none of us can enforce that anyway) it was simply trying to agree on a way that we can all feel safe and supported within this group. Ultimately, people can do whatever they want. I guess I was trying in a round about way to speak to what we *should* be doing out of consideration for other members and their place in the recovery process.

As a public support site, we technically can't *tell* people what they can and cannot post. It's a free world and inconsideration for others does not a crime make. I personally think it would be a kindness to post "TW" before mentioning any type of numbers. Will everyone stick to that? Probably not. Not my issue to control, frankly. I just wanted to put the thought out there because we currently have a lot of posts coming through this forum and many of them seem to be triggering to other members. On an ED site where people are focused on recovery, it's usually a given that people speak freely about their struggles WITHOUT mentioning specific numbers. If a "number is just a number" than that has to work in the converse sense - it shouldn't be relevant to a person's recovery to mention that they ate 500 calories that day, want to weigh 100 pounds, etc, etc. Specifics don't have to be mentioned in order for someone to speak their truth IMO. Meh, it is what it is.

Personally, posts that I KNOW are being publicized for the sole intent of garnering attention or in the spirit of "ED competition" are not going to get a response from me. I have way too much interest in supporting the people on this site that actually WANT help to waste my time with those that aren't ready to recover.
meinrecovery
meinrecovery
I'm new but I like the "TW" thing or whatever we decide we want to do. Giving people a heads up is good. I'm in a pretty good place at the moment but I don't want to read anyone's numbers. It will make me start to doubt myself. I'm not in that good of a place. Thanks to forestfreek for stepping up to help out the group!