Hmmmm...I have many thoughts on this and from many perspectives. None of them bad. I understand your concern and I think it's wonderful that you are so caring and nurturing to the members of this board. It is indeed a daily, sometimes hourly, struggle for many of us.

On the sexual abuse board and the PTSD board we make sure to put *TW* in the subject line if any details will be given. But on both boards details are encouraged to be given because healing is in the details. For something like ED the details are the numbers for many of us. I know I struggled with accepting the number on the scale and, for me, I had to talk about it. It was a detail I had to acknowledge and heal by talking about it. By hearing others say "I am there too and I am becoming happier with it" helped me a lot. Even hearing "It's just a number. It does not define who you are" was very helpful. So many of us were silenced as children and is a part of why we have an eating disorder - I would hate to tell someone they are being silenced again.

On the other side of the coin I do understand being triggered by it. For me that came in the form of "OMG! I weigh more than her/him! I MUST try harder!". I put pressure on myself and became very depressed because my entire existence depended on the number on the scale. So I definitely understand where you are coming from.

Maybe we can all agree to put *TW* in the subject line if numbers will be included in the persons post? And if someone is answering a post and puts numbers in they can do what we do on other boards which is, within the text we say "*TW* details to follow* which gives the reader the control of reading further or not. What do you think?

Thanks for your input, LE.
I personally don't see someone avoiding specific numbers in their post as them being "silenced", but I guess that's just my perspective. If it's "only a number" than it shouldn't be that pertinent to have to mention.
I understand that you are to a point in your journey that you are able to handle numbers, calorie figures, etc (honestly fantastic:))))) unfortunately we have people that come to this forum that are just starting their journey and are not able yet to emotionally regulate when they see these things from other people. I think your suggestion of adding "TW" prior to a post is a good one if someone absolutely feels the need to mention specific numbers.

I feel that if someone needs to share numbers to heal and the rule is set in place that numbers can't be mentioned then we are stunting that persons healing and, yes, silencing them. We are saying to them "Don't say it here" and that is silencing them. This is my perspective because I was silenced my entire childhood. I think we will find people here who fit into both categories - those who were silenced and those who were not.

After all the healing I have done I can say the number on the scale is 'only a number' because I have spend much time talking about those numbers and all the emotions tied up in them. Talking about them helped me heal - and that was even at the beginning of my journey. I can't imagine I am the only person who found healing in talking about the numbers so I'd hate to see anyone be denied talking about them if that is what helps them heal.

Ok......not trying to argue with you, I in fact agreed with your approach of using a "TW" when specifics are going to be posted. I'm simply relaying feedback from other members and what I feel myself. If you feel posting numbers is helpful, by all means.

Was just trying to help ALL members, as we have many different people in many different stages of recovery.
Ultimately, people can do whatever they want.
I do know from being a member of this board for years that in the past if a post mentioned numbers (inappropriately) it was removed. There is really no healing value to someone mentioning that they aspire to become 68 pounds or that they only ate 500 calories that day.
All JMHO, of course.

Oh yes, I agree with you that when numbers are mentioned in that way it should be removed. I am speaking only of a person talking about how they feel about the numbers on the scale from a healing perspective. I definitely agree that if a person says "I aspire to be 68 pounds" then 1) we should be telling that person to call for help ASAP because they are hurting so much that they can't make a healthy decision for themselves and 2) the post should be removed. I can definitely see where that is triggering.

I need to add something.

I guess for me it comes down to intent. If a person is coming on this board and reaching out for help and part of that is that they are hurting because they say "I just can't stop striving to be 68 pounds. What do I do?" then that is a person asking for help and I would hate to deny them the help they are looking for. Or remove their post.

However, if the person's intent is to be hurtful to others "I strive to weigh 68 pounds and I see nothing wrong with that" then perhaps we need to remove that post. This is still a person who is hurting inside and I hate to deny them any help they may be seeking - even if it is done from a place of anger - but I can see why this post would be removed.

Great topic!!! For me I agree that there is a difference between appropriate numbers posting and inappropriateness. All of us struggle accepting the number on the scale, or the number of calories we do or don't eat- that is going to be universal to EDs. And I'm sure there is quite a bit of grey area in there and person specific preference. For example, my meal plan established by my dietician targets me around 2,200 calories. I would hope that number statement isn't triggering for others. I personally will not share "I starved myself down to 200 calories today" rather I use phrases such as "I've been heavily restricting" etc. For me to share what my restriction number is is likely my subconscious way to compete and try to prove I am "sick enough" another common thread for most of us. I guess I want to make sure if I post a number that my intention is in a healing purpose both for myself but also for those around me. As an example- It was helpful for me to learn that my misconception that those with anorexia only ever at a few hundred calories EVER for years on end was incorrect- most anorexia sufferers go through cycles of significant restriction followed by inevitable binge/purge episodes/cycles etc. That fact help me accept my diagnosis and validate the severity of my disease, but some of the information I read elsewhere also triggered some pretty significant ED thoughts for me as well so I had to be careful. I do not post numbers as I am not comfortable with it. My suggestion is asking yourself:

What is your purpose for posting the number? Healing? Needing attention? Needing to prove you're the sickest? Competition? Needing genuine advice?

This is a great dialogue for us to have- thanks for bring it up!

I guess I am just not that advanced yet, because hearing what people weigh and the number of calories they consume causes me anxiety. I am a survivor who was silenced, but I don't think saying "I'm having a hard time reaching my calorie goal for the day" vs. "I only ate X amount of calories" is really silencing anyone. I think by phrasing it the first way it allows for all members of the group, at all stages of recovery to read the post and participate in providing support, where as phrasing it the 2nd way with a trigger warning blocks some members who aren't "quite there" yet from being able to provide support and fully participate in the group.

Well said, LP.
To me, intention is everything and although we can't truly ever 100% know a person's intent, some things are obvious.
Posts for attention and in the spirit of ED "competition" were solely was I was speaking to.
I would never deny someone the right to speak their voice and ask for help (certainly isn't my place to judge!) but I can choose whether or not to answer it and further supplicate for the post to be removed.
I think I've more than proved that people that are here looking for genuine help and support have a listening ear with me.

I agree, sonny. Also very well stated.

Sonny you wrote "but I don't think saying "I'm having a hard time reaching my calorie goal for the day" vs. "I only ate X amount of calories" is really silencing anyone" and I agree that is not silencing someone. What I meant was if we deny people from writing a number when writing that number may help them heal (or remove their post) then that would be silencing them.

I haven't been on here for a while, but I'd like to start coming around again. I find that putting TW prior to any potentially triggering posts is extremely helpful.

Ok

hmmmmm -- I'm new here but it seemed like some nitpicking to me. I think it seemed like a great solution to put TW in the subject line and that gives everyone a choice to read or not to read. I think there are much bigger issues than the numbers. Sorry - first impression.

Thanks so much for this post,forestfreek,and to all who have shared your input. i actually joined once,then left,because i was getting far too triggered....i am really in a bad place right now,and i didn't feel this was really a safe place for me,so,in my opinion,there should be some rules about how we share things.....it is not necessary at all to discuss weight or caloric intake,even sharing food lists can be triggering to some.

hope i'm not offending here,and i'm still not sure i can stay,but,thank you again for bringing this up.