Eating Disorders Support Group

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ED is threatening to ruin my wedding!

milo91
milo91
My wedding is in a mere 7 weeks and I don't even have a dress yet. I can't say the same size and shape long enough to go through the process of buying one and having it altered and so I am stuck. I ordered a beautiful satin dress and waited six weeks for it to arrive, and when I went to try it on it didn't even come close to fitting. I was devastated. So instead of hacking it up trying to squeeze into it, I just returned it. Returned the dress of my dreams. ED cost me that dress and that dream.

I know that the stress of the upcoming wedding and vacation are spurring my binges; I find my desire for food completely insatiable at times. I also found out that my best friend is moving away, and that my great grandmother is now terminally ill. I am terrified that she will pass away while I am on vacation and I will miss the memorial. I am a wreck.

Has anyone else here had their ED nearly ruin their wedding?? My friends don't understand, they all crash dieted before their weddings and looked stunning, and I know that isn't an option for me. Thanks for reading :)
kathywonders
kathywonders
Ive noticed your message for a few days now and havent responded because firstly Ive never been married and secondly if I were to marry it wouldt be in a traditional wedding dress. So I cant entirely relate. I can however relate to stress messing up your relationship with food and making eating difficult.

Just wondering if your fianc know and is able to support you? I suppose he doest mind what size or shape your are?

Sorry I cant help more...
kmw
kmw
Kathywonders is right, im sure your fiance wouldnt want you going through this alone ask for support from him or your family, just dont let ED isolate you
stickywick
stickywick
I got married and yes, almost let an ED destroy my *life.* Your LIFE is what you need to be concerned about, not the dress or the day.
On the day of my wedding I ran 5 miles and managed not to throw up. that was an accomplishment then. I wasted a good portion of my honeymoon concerned with binging and purging. I never told my husband. I should have. Recovery would have come sooner.
I struggled with an ED for 5 years after I got married.
I'm so grateful to not have to live like that anymore.
milo91
milo91
Thank you all for your words of support. I havent really shared the ED with my fianc at this point, and I dont know if now is the right time. I have found some good support lately through a friend and some counseling so I hope to come to grips with this (at least in part) so that I can fully enjoy the big day. Wish me luck!!
kathywonders
kathywonders
Its good youve found some support from a friend and counselling. Its probably inappropriate to say this but as an outsider it seems that you are hiding a huge part of yourself from your financ. Dont mean to be judgemental. I dont know either of you. But I cant imagine being in a long term relationship and keeping my ED past hidden away. It was such a huge part of my life and a huge part of me. On the other hand my current partner doest know the details. Hes noticed I get all upset if I talk about my ED-life. It makes him uncomfortable and he tends to change the subject.
I do sincerely hope you are getting over the problems. Hows the dress-hunting going?
sarasota34233
sarasota34233
I, as well, am really glad that you have been able to find some ways to get support during this rough time. I do suggest that you talk with your fiancee about your eating disorder issues...because it is going to be something that both of you have to deal with on a regular basis...especially as you make the decision to try recovery. You are going to need as much help as you can get. In the meantime, though, you need to get a dress for the big day...one that is beautiful and comfortable and that you do not need to diet to get into. You can do it...there are so many out there. Think about what the big day really means...the union of two people madly in love...and then make some decisions and choices that are going to help you manage...and ENJOY...that day to the fullest!!
milo91
milo91
Thanks to all of you. Kathy, no worries about seeming judgemental, I know exactly what you mean. I want to tell him but honestly i know that he won't understand. I also get upset when I discuss it or think about it too long. I will tell him once I have a grip on it myself! I am getting there slowly, step by step with the support that I have now.

I found another dress, tried it on a few weeks back and then havent been in it since... and my final fitting is TOMORROW. Wish me luck!!
kathywonders
kathywonders
Good luck with the dress fitting! Lets know how it goes!
milo91
milo91
Well the fitting went terribly. Basically the whole dress has to be let out. I feel awful and shapeless and so dissapointed that it hurts. If I can't get this under control for the most important day of my life, will I ever be able to? They are going to let it all out and I have to fit again on this next friday... if they have to let it out again I dont know what I am going to do. Wear a poncho down the aisle and call it good?
kathywonders
kathywonders
Sorry to hear the fitting hurt your feelings. Your wedding day is a big day but life goes on after it and so does eating. Its a shame theres so much stress on that one day. I hope you can relax enough to enjoy the meaning of the day without concentrating on your figure.
As far as Im aware brides are always beautiful!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I imagine the fitting was really tough. And I know the wedding day is important and you want it to feel perfect. But why is that day so important? There are a lot of physical symbols, like a beautiful dream dress. But the wedding is important because of a lot of intangibles--the love you and your fiance have for each other, the hope the two of you have for your life together, the promises you make to each other. It's all about your life AFTER the wedding, all the important days that you're going to experience in the future. It's one thing if your eating disorder complicates your wedding. Ultimately, the thing is to keep it from sabotaging your life.