Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I'm tired and it is the end of the day so I already know that that is contributing to my mood.
Lately I have been feeling really frustrated. I've taken some really positive steps toward recovery but my ED brain is pulling me back. I just relapsed on purging for the first time in a awhile and it's making me feel defeated. It seems like I've taken such great steps forward and then I take 2 backward. I know what I need to do but I can't seem to make myself move- I compare it to The Wax House movie if anyone has seen it ^_^ - I'm trapped in wax silently screaming to move but my body won't listen. Does anyone else have this problem?
Mild Example: tonight I know I should have gone to bed earlier, it's 1am now and nothing good happens after midnight but I stayed up anyway and it negatively effected me. I knew what I would do if i stayed up but somehow I convinced myself it was okay anyway.
It is making me feel lazy and maybe it is just lazyness, but I feel like I can't control it. :( if anyone has any tips on how you just get started!!That would be helpful. I hope everyone is having a great week- hugs to all and travel safe!
Signed,
Disgruntled, disappointed and waaaay over due for sleep. GN.
I know if I said to my therapist that I was staying up past midnight when I knew nothing good would come from it she would ask me "Then why do you do it?" and then she would wait for me to figure out why I do it. So I ask you "Why do you do it?" Are you feeling too stressed to sleep? Are you testing yourself to see if you can do it (I do this a lot)? Are you afraid that sleep will bring dreams that you don't want to have? There could be so many reasons but you are the only one with the real answer.
I am not sure what is making you feel lazy - the fact that you have had a setback and can't seem to get back on track? If so, that is not laziness at all. That is the struggle of healing. ED's are a coping mechanism we use to help us when we are stressed and feeling too much emotion. Stopping a coping mechanism without replacing it with either another healthier coping mechanism or a way for you to express your feelings (and thereby not need a coping mechanism at all) is not easy and it does not make you lazy. In fact, it takes a great deal of energy, determination and strength to heal from an ED and that is what you are working hard to do. You are doing the work and you will succeed as long as you keep picking yourself up and moving forward - even if it means moving one step forward and two steps back. ((Hugs))