Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
stressed
Current mood: distressed
once again, i have binged. i was watching tv for a few hours today, and i promise, every other commercial advertised a diet or some kind of fast food. commercials like that either cause cravings or they make me feel really self-concious and fat. it started with dinner: chicken and cheesy potatoes. and i couldn't stop after that.
i went out of my way to get the can of candy off of the fridge and stuffed my pockets full of candy and grabbed a full-size hershey bar out of the fridge. all the food was gone before "grease" was over.
hours later, my stomach STILL hurts. i feel horrible, and dad is really annoying me...
i just wish that this would go away!!! i want to be free of my ED...no one in my immediate family or circle of friends understands this. people keep bringing in junk food and it is literally making me sicker.
i can't seem to stop bingeing. the online OA meetings i attended helped at first, but the group i'm in requires that all posts be approved by the admins. this delays response times and frankly is annoying. it makes the meetings boring. i'm not connecting with anyone in those meetings. i'd go to a live chat, but i don't have enough memory on my computer to run java. the chat meetings won't run without it. the only bus-accessible face-to-face meeting close to me is at madison center. hell will freeze over before i trust them again.
what's worse is that my medicaid is screwed up now, so i can't even go to my nurse practicioner to get diagnosed. god knows i can't possibly afford to go to an eating disorder specialist on my own. knowing medicaid, they might not even pay for it anyway.
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm almost to the point where i would seriously consider in-patient treatment,but how would i pay for it? literally, no one in this house seems to listen to me when it comes to this. i just want to scream!!!!!!!
i binged on the 30th, 31st, and then again today. what's it going to take for people to realize how desperately i need help? if i was anorexic, and weighed 90 pounds, my parents would be bending over backwards to help me. my dad knows, but he doesn't understand. my mom doesn't know. but i can't tell her because it goes back to the abuse. i know she'd think i was blaming her if i said anything. it would start a fight. and i always binge after she and i argue... i just don't see the point. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-fallon
Currently listening:
I Stand
By Idina Menzel
Release date: 2008-01-29
stressed
Current mood: distressed
once again, i have binged. i was watching tv for a few hours today, and i promise, every other commercial advertised a diet or some kind of fast food. commercials like that either cause cravings or they make me feel really self-concious and fat. it started with dinner: chicken and cheesy potatoes. and i couldn't stop after that.
i went out of my way to get the can of candy off of the fridge and stuffed my pockets full of candy and grabbed a full-size hershey bar out of the fridge. all the food was gone before "grease" was over.
hours later, my stomach STILL hurts. i feel horrible, and dad is really annoying me...
i just wish that this would go away!!! i want to be free of my ED...no one in my immediate family or circle of friends understands this. people keep bringing in junk food and it is literally making me sicker.
i can't seem to stop bingeing. the online OA meetings i attended helped at first, but the group i'm in requires that all posts be approved by the admins. this delays response times and frankly is annoying. it makes the meetings boring. i'm not connecting with anyone in those meetings. i'd go to a live chat, but i don't have enough memory on my computer to run java. the chat meetings won't run without it. the only bus-accessible face-to-face meeting close to me is at madison center. hell will freeze over before i trust them again.
what's worse is that my medicaid is screwed up now, so i can't even go to my nurse practicioner to get diagnosed. god knows i can't possibly afford to go to an eating disorder specialist on my own. knowing medicaid, they might not even pay for it anyway.
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm almost to the point where i would seriously consider in-patient treatment,but how would i pay for it? literally, no one in this house seems to listen to me when it comes to this. i just want to scream!!!!!!!
i binged on the 30th, 31st, and then again today. what's it going to take for people to realize how desperately i need help? if i was anorexic, and weighed 90 pounds, my parents would be bending over backwards to help me. my dad knows, but he doesn't understand. my mom doesn't know. but i can't tell her because it goes back to the abuse. i know she'd think i was blaming her if i said anything. it would start a fight. and i always binge after she and i argue... i just don't see the point. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-fallon
Currently listening:
I Stand
By Idina Menzel
Release date: 2008-01-29
Online chat meetings sound great - my BF is a techie and said you can get memory added probably for around $50-200, depending on how much you need. Not sure if that's an option?
Also, can you try to focus on staying binge-free today? Just making it for one day will make you feel a lot better. :)
Hugs,
Ali
It is amazing that they don't get how sick you are but I don't know if it would make a difference if you were ana. I am and it still didn't do me any good. People just want to feed you even more.
I agree that whatever is wrong with your medicaid coverage needs to be fixed asap no matter how much of a pain in the butt it is. But there are also free places out there for help. I don't know if you are member of a church but they could help you. My church even pays for therapy when people are in desperate need and can't afford it. Or there are places like Mercy Ministries where you go iP for 6 months or longer to fight ED. At least one of our DS members is there right now.
And most important of all don't give up hope, Start fresh tomorrow.
hugs