Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Help!
I've agreed to look after my boyfriend's parents place and take care of their cat whilst they are away for 2 weeks.
Last night I walked continuously back and forth across the landing (pacing a space of 10ft) from 7pm to 2:30am which is my set point in my head. I had a friend with anorexia from when I was an inpatient. After exercising for the day, she would always be in bed by 2:30am. This has stuck with me and now, I just CANT let myself go to bed earlier than that. Last night I was delayed in getting to bed though as the computer decided to go spazzy on me. So I didn't get up till 8am.
Today... I started pacing at 9:30 this morning after a bowl of cheerios with no milk. So far throughout the day, I have recorded the time I've been pacing, not counting the breaks I took to shower and eat a yoghurt. It's a total of 10 and a half hours. I've been walking 10 and a half hours! I need help. I can't stop. I've allowed myself an hour and a half to come online and check messages etc. But then I fully intend on carrying on from 12am to 2:30am again. I will then go to sleep, setting my alarm for 6:30. I aim to do the same thing tomorrow.
My boyfriend is back Friday evening for the weekend, but then I have a whole week by myself next week. Part of me can't wait to see the results at the end of the 2 weeks. But another part knows what I'm doing is crazy. But I can't stop. The idea of stopping terrifies me. I don't know what to do... bloody hell my legs hurt
I've agreed to look after my boyfriend's parents place and take care of their cat whilst they are away for 2 weeks.
Last night I walked continuously back and forth across the landing (pacing a space of 10ft) from 7pm to 2:30am which is my set point in my head. I had a friend with anorexia from when I was an inpatient. After exercising for the day, she would always be in bed by 2:30am. This has stuck with me and now, I just CANT let myself go to bed earlier than that. Last night I was delayed in getting to bed though as the computer decided to go spazzy on me. So I didn't get up till 8am.
Today... I started pacing at 9:30 this morning after a bowl of cheerios with no milk. So far throughout the day, I have recorded the time I've been pacing, not counting the breaks I took to shower and eat a yoghurt. It's a total of 10 and a half hours. I've been walking 10 and a half hours! I need help. I can't stop. I've allowed myself an hour and a half to come online and check messages etc. But then I fully intend on carrying on from 12am to 2:30am again. I will then go to sleep, setting my alarm for 6:30. I aim to do the same thing tomorrow.
My boyfriend is back Friday evening for the weekend, but then I have a whole week by myself next week. Part of me can't wait to see the results at the end of the 2 weeks. But another part knows what I'm doing is crazy. But I can't stop. The idea of stopping terrifies me. I don't know what to do... bloody hell my legs hurt
I know I've lost weight but I don't know how much as there aren't any scales here. I'm still finding it hard not to pace. I'm doing an average of 6 hours a day. Not good. I'm knackered and my legs hurt but the urges are just too strong. I can stay sitting for an hour or so, but then I get really restless and have to get up and do some more.
Also... it's becoming worse. Not only am I finding the urge to pace hard, but then when I DO eat, I go and purge straight after.
Part of me is relieved that my bf is back tonight. Hopefully, not being on my own will help. I find it easier to eat around him because he makes me happy and I can think about my future with him. It's usually enough to set me straight. But then after 2 weeks of this, I'm also terrified of stopping.
Home life is awful at the moment so I'm looking to move out as soon as possible. I just keep telling myself that I need to prove to people that I can look after myself. But I don't know how I'm going to cope being on my own. I can't even go 2 weeks without acting on behaviours as soon as I say goodbye an shut the door.
Yeah I have been inpatient before, twice. I'm actually on Fluoxetine 60mg. I think it does help as I went about a week without taking my meds. I just felt ok and forgot them. I didn't think it mattered much. My own stupid fault
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I'm still struggling but I'm back home now with my Mum and her partner so there is no where for me to pace without being seen. I thought this would be a good thing to help me stop. But now I've just replaced the pacing with purging after meals. Not good. No one knows about it either.
There's two things that caused my anxiety. One is that I've had underlying anxiety issues for almost my entire life. But the other is that when I lose weight, I get anxious. And it just happened that the more weight I happened to lose the more anxious and obsessive I became. It is a very dangerous cycle to get in.
For you the worst possible things you are doing to yourself are going off your meds and then losing more weight. It's just a bad combination. You've got to face this head on. At least put a halt to weight loss (tough, I know). And then, focus on taming the anxiety. While you're going to hate to hear it, and I mean hate it, you will probably benefit from gaining some weight. Your brain will benefit from nourishment. It will reward you. But, that's in your hands.