Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Hey there. I'm new to this group (and site.)
When I was younger, I struggled really badly with anorexia/bulimia, because I thought I was fat. I received constant treatments/therapies, and have since "recovered." I haven't struggled with it since I was 18-years-old.
Until recently. I am now 23. And the only reason why I started my bulimia back up, isn't because I think I'm overweight or ugly. In fact, that's the last thing I care about. (Which is ironic, because my profession is literally commercial/print modeling.) I do it now, because I get euphoria...or a high out of it.
I have a very traumatic past, so I struggle badly with alcohol/drugs. Can anyone else here relate to this sentiment? Being an adult, and doing it for other reasons, that have nothing to do with weight?
When I was younger, I struggled really badly with anorexia/bulimia, because I thought I was fat. I received constant treatments/therapies, and have since "recovered." I haven't struggled with it since I was 18-years-old.
Until recently. I am now 23. And the only reason why I started my bulimia back up, isn't because I think I'm overweight or ugly. In fact, that's the last thing I care about. (Which is ironic, because my profession is literally commercial/print modeling.) I do it now, because I get euphoria...or a high out of it.
I have a very traumatic past, so I struggle badly with alcohol/drugs. Can anyone else here relate to this sentiment? Being an adult, and doing it for other reasons, that have nothing to do with weight?
I have never myself dealt with bulimia, but I have had anorexia for about 10 years (I'm 24 now). I can tell you that for me, my eating disorder never had anything to do with weight. It had everything to do with managing overwhelming feelings (for me, sadness, anxiety, worthlessness).
Please correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you may be dealing with a lot of unresolved emotions related to the trauma you went through in your past. It is (unfortunately) common to turn to alcohol and drugs, as well as eating disorders, as a way to regulate and cope, and really just numb out, these painful emotions.
What would it be like for you to go back to therapy to work through your trauma history? Is this something you would consider? I hate that you're struggling, but am hopeful for you. There's so much great help out there.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling as well. I appreciate you reaching out. I'm so glad to know that this isn't just a dangerous "weight" issue. That makes me feel a bit more relieved and validated.
Yeah, I have a lot of unresolved issues and emotions from my past. The problem is...I simply won't deal with any of them. Even if something mild sets me off and makes me just a tad frustrated...I'll force myself to purge nothing, drink a bottle of vodka, shoot up a pill, etc. It's terrible. I thought I'd outgrow that mentality. It's only gotten much worse.
I'm considering work with a specialized therapist. A generalized, happy-go-lucky, suburban-placed therapist obviously won't cut it for me. I'm just trying to push myself into that direction.
Thanks again for reaching out. It means a lot.
Yeah, I think all eating disorders, be it binge eating, anorexia, or bulimia, are never about just food and weight. There are deeper issues - eating disorders are coping mechanisms, albeit crappy ones. But they do serve a purpose, it's just that eventually, they outgrow their purpose and then get to the point where they interfere with living the life you want to live.
It makes a lot of sense that you have difficulty facing your emotions. They're unpleasant for you, and it's natural to want to avoid or escape things that feel unpleasant to us. It's much easier to purge or turn to a substance to numb out that pain than it is to feel crappy. The problem is, as I'm sure you know, these unresolved issues never just "go away" - they're still underneath, fueling more substance use and eating disorder behavior and stopping you from living your life to its fullest.
I really hope you do consider therapy. I know you might feel skeptical. But it really does help. It sounds like you really need someone who will work with you on those deeper issues related to your past, since that seems to be fueling the substance use and eating disorder in the present. It might take a few tries before you find a therapist who feels like a good fit for you, but I promise you that once you find that person, it'll be worth it.