As a child, I was fed a lot and stuffed because my mom and grandma and even great grandma showed their kids love with what they could give us and food made them feel good and we learned to let it make us feel good. As a kid, teen and young adult, I suffered multuple different mental health disorders, was overweight, drank a lot because that was all I knew and developed a really bad attitude and a saturation of hate and negativity in my life. I got pregnant as a teen and it wasnt until she was a few years old that I realized, I need and want to change my life for the better. I started small by noticing when and why I had an attitude, I slowly began eating healthier foods with my clients and soon I was dropping pounds and physically feeling good. Worthy. Powerful. I lacked a lot of knowledge about myself and how the PTSD and anxiety/depression impacted me from the inside out. Though I had become a happier and healthier person on the outside, I was still rotting with fear of failure, abandonment, hurt and addiction on the inside. I gained all the weight I lost back and then some about two years ago and honestly It was one of the best lessons I have learned. I started going to eating disorder therapy, learning about my binge eating disorder and how body dysmorphia was literally driving me insane. I was obsessed with how I looked to others, myself and had to pinch, squeeze and suck in parts of my body all day long. The anxiety didnt let me sleep and eating became part of my life again as it had been for 90% it. A bad part. The controlling part that made me want to eat and feel bad. The part that made me hide from mirrors and feel disgusting and ugly. I have learned that small baby steps in the right direction of physical, emotional and spiritual growth are sooo powerful and impactful to the quality of our lives. I finally feel like I have the tools. Not to succeed or be perfect, but to ask for help, be open minded to support and the help I ask for and take things slow and steady with myself, others and the universes timing and expectations. I want to work on myself daily and help others in the process if possible. I think the broken pieces I was able to put back together are more artistic and unique anyways. Being broken and getting back up creates a beauty within us that we dont know of until it happens. Starting now, I am on a journey of self love and self acceptance. I have my days, weeks and moments of ups and downs and flawed qualities but this time around I can utilize the tools I have accumulated and learn new ones without feeling like a failure. Hopefully.