I think I'm with you on the same issue. But I think it goes either way, when you aren't eating properly then you're confusing and destroying the 'happy hormones' in your system and also leads to more anxiety and OCD symptoms, etc. You then, as you said follow with the decreasing in nutrition which then leads all in that same vicious circle just making things worse and worse, and harder for recovery to come by. In the other case, if you start eating properly again, the eating disorder may bring back those same things, feeling depressed, anxious, etc. but you have to remember that is just the eating disorder 'The baddie'. And you mustn't listen to him because he is trying to make you kill someone. He is trying to kill you, but you just can't see that, so you keep obeying him because he keeps on giving you treats or rewards, or even false hope and happiness while you aren't eating or are losing weight. So if you might be getting those same feelings, depression, anxiety, etc. either way, then you should fight it and take the path of recovery, then at least after awhile those feelings will decrease and might even go away, plus recovery. But if you go the other way things will just get worse and their won't be an end of the tunnel in that direction, other than death. Because in reality, that is the only thing Eating Disorders are leading you too.

Stay strong, I know you can do this. Thinking of you.

There is a direct correlation between the worsening of my anorexia and my mood disorder but I am not always sure which causes which...if my restricting causes my depression or if my depression causes my restricting or if they just go hand in hand...but I do know that if I don't tackle both of them together then I get into real trouble. My therapist and my doctor and my nutritionist know this as well. Once one thing starts going it is a guarantee than the other things are going to go as well unless we address things right away. Do you have a team in place? I would highly recommend that...quickly. I can relate to the OCD and the contamination fears...those are brutal and can be debilitating. PM me if you want...I can relate to most of what you are saying. Stay strong...you can get through this. I am sorry you are struggling right now. I am glad you are reaching out for help.

Thank you so much to both of you for the kind and thoughtful replies.

The ED: I do feel that either way, whether I try hard at recovery or just give up, I will feel anxious. I definitely use my eating disorder to "cope" with my anxiety (crappy coping mechanism, I know), and when I try to battle against it, my anxiety increases. But thank you for the reality check. When I am so caught up in feeling this way, it is hard to remember where my eating disorder is leading me to. I always avoid thinking about it, because it really does scare me.

Sarasota: Thank you for always being so supportive. I have a dietitian and therapist, who are both aware of my anxiety/depressed feelings (I don't know that I've ever been diagnosed with clinical depression). My Dr. is aware as well. I tried an antidepressant over the summer, and it did not work out for me at all, and I've been too afraid to try another. But I don't know how to get myself out of this cycle.