Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
So this is hard for me......my entire life I have struggled with my weight. I am the oldest of four girls. Every single one of my sisters is naturally thin. Never had to diet and exercise for pleasure not to loose weight persay. I have been overweight most of my life. I use food for every hard thing in my life. It is my confidant it doesn't judge it doesn't say hurtful things back. I get a full satisfied feeling while eating but feel too ashamed after. I binge alone. When I eat in public it is healthy (I have always had to follow the WW program to maintain) this is the heaviest I have ever been. I need help I need to be accountable to someone I need something to help my addiction. My relationship with food is the best and the worst parts about my life and I don't know how to give it up. You need food to live I can't just quit it. I'm at a loss.
I had 2 naturally thin brothers and they picked on me terribly because I was always overweight (now that they are in their 50's they struggle a lot with their weight too). I also remember a time when I thought "You need food to live I can't just quit it". I always thought alcoholics and drug addicts had it "easy" because they could stop their addiction and still live.
But no matter what it is you are 'addicted' to it is all doing the same thing for you - helping you to cope with difficult feelings. Usually feelings that were not safe to express to the people around you. Generally this happened in childhood. When it is unsafe for us to express our feelings we instead use food to cope with those feelings. Whether you binge or starve it is all accomplishing the same thing - to help you cope with feelings.
I would urge you to start working with a therapist who can help you get to the root cause of your ED. For me this was childhood trauma in the form of a crap family environment and being sexually abused by a neighbor for 5 years. As I worked on my healing from my childhood I got back in touch with my feelings, learned that I had a right to have them, learned how to express them safely and, in time, healed them. In healing my past I also healed the ED. This is because I was no longer trying to stuff my feelings down with food - instead I was expressing them which meant I no longer had a need for food (other than for survival of course). I still have a few areas/feelings that I am working on but I know I will be successful in healing to the point where I no longer need a coping mechanism. If you can relate to having traumas in your past I would say to start there with a therapist. You can heal any traumas in your past and you can heal the ED. You deserve to heal on all levels and I hope you choose to find a therapist. If you are unable to work with a therapist right now then please do keep coming here and talking to us. This is a great group of people.