Alright. I keep telling myself, no-PROMISING-myself: no more binging!

There are a thousand reasons..i hate my body. I hate that fifteen or so extra pounds. I hate that I don't want to wear my jeans bc they hurt.

I hate how badly I'm treating my body. I hate how I'm 23 now but I fear i'm putting my body through something that will make it much older later. I am stuffing myself with junk until i hurt, and i do it often. If i keep this up, i will give myself some major health problems, either now or later on.

And...to get a little spiritual..I am being gluttonous. I am hurting the gift God gave me. Destroying it, even. I am wasting food by eating large amounts i don't need. And i am LOSING my self control. that is one thing that scares me the most. I don't have self-discipline or control.

Confession: I keep telling myself "this is the last time, so i'll go all out with this cake or two huge bowls of ice cream and that's it!" BUt i make EVERY binge the last goodbye binge, then do it again the next day. I have to make it for real. Yesterday was a coffe/brownie/donut/pizza/ice cream day. Oh yeah, and a little scoopfull of fruit. I am serious...those are the only foods i ate all day. the peperoni pizza was my healthy point of the day (besides the fruit in the morning).

So why am i telling everyone this? i couldn't tell anyone around me that that was all i ate all day. I can't anyone i notice my thighs and stomach expanding...that i have dreams that i am much bigger than i am. that i have no bodily control of what i shove in my mouth. So i wanted to tell someone...at least someone on here will read this, though i don't really know or see them. it will help to know I put this out there..so i can maybe promise myself to stop and actually listen this time.

sorry for the length. If you read this, THANK YOU.