I don't know if this will help you, but I've felt like I was in your position on occasion. I know a lot of the stuff I need to do, yet it's so hard to actually get myself to do it. While I don't yet have weight that I need to gain back, I do have a super-large mess of ED thoughts running around my head, have to start dealing with those or the infammation in my esophagus could get worse [what my upper GI turned up]. I'm sorry that your hours have been cut due to someone not liking you.
I wish your situation was a rare occurrance, but where I worked for 7 years of hell, that was often done to employees that my company [non-profit] "got rid" of employees that had fallen out of favor with the big-wigs. Is there any career or job that interests you more than the one you have now? If schooling is required, I'm almost certain you can find grants to either trade schools or colleges that you won't have to pay back. Regardless of what happens with your job, I care about you and so do a lot of other people in this group, or they wouldn't give you or me the time of day. While you say you haven't regained the weight you need to, are you at a stable weight, not losing more? Sometimes that's the first step to recovery is being able to get to a stop point where you don't lose anymore weight, then slowly get up to a healthier weight. That's what happened w/ me the first time I was anorexic at 17. Big huggs, hope things go easier for you this week, as you perhaps begin job-hunting while you still have a check coming in. Hope this helped.

Can you buy a nutrition bar to eat until you can have lunch --- not instead of lunch---and this will help increase your intake by adding those extra calories. Just a bar you can keep in a pocket or desk drawer. Do not focus on the things you feel are going badly, focus on the positive and be kind to yourself, it sounds like you are dealing with a lot and the last thing you need is negative voices in your head. Calm down, breathe and make a plan. Then stick to it.

I like the idea of a snack that isn't a lot to eat but packed with nutrition. Protein bars are nice. They are fortified with good vitamins and it's quick and easy and better than not eating anything

Honestly to me it so I nds like you are embracing your eating disorder. You have to want to let it go to get better. It's hard to.do that. We all want to.run to it for whatever reasons but u til we truly hit rock bottom and really want to change it won't happen.

The question you have to ask yourself is what is your rock bottom? Easier said then done for sure

thanks everyome and as usual got loads of info and support. I love eating the protein bars, that is what I try and eat every morning, if not I carry it with me and nibble throughout the morning. I need to eat that before I go and yes eat another, I don't mind eating them I feel safe with them. I did have something different yesterday morning, I had the small container of oatmeal, never had it before and I liked it. I was very hungry yesterday for some reason, I snacked some but I also ignored it too. yes I need to find out what is stopping me and get over that and truly start recovery, I thought hearing possible IP would be bottom, but I guess denial runs deep. I haven't lost anymore weight but haven't gained either and before I go back I have to. as for school I feel I am to old to do that and then find a job, I am 58 and would love to take courses but for fun, not for a job, it would take to long. I don't even know what interests me anymore, but I will be applying a lot this week. I would like to get in to a large hospital just around the corner, but don't know what to apply for, ceecee any ideas? thanks all hugsss

Hi Ann, I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. You are such a great support on here to others, and I've come to really like you and consider you a friend. I think we all can relate to the feeling of knowing what we need to do, but feeling unable or reluctant to do those things. It sounds so easy, but it's not.
On the subject of the job, it just plain stinks when unfair things happen! I hope things turn around for you. I think looking into schooling or a different line of work is a great idea- my dad started attending massage therapy school when he was around 60, and he loves his new career :)

Hey Ann I would think hospital would be good. They have tons of jobs that don't require special training g but if you were looking to go in n to school for short time l I ke a year or less to get a job that pays good in would recommend x-ray tech, ultrasound tech, phlebotomist, those are all only a year of school and you at least start making $20 an hour not sure about your state compared to cali pay wise

thanks anna and ceecee. I guess one is never to old... x ray tech sounds interesting. I will check it out, is it through a regular college or a certificate program? I ate breakfast for 3 days now

Well done with the breakfasts Ann!

great job Ann on breakfast! that is good news

It is normally a adult school or vocational program. if you google schools in your area stuff will pop up.

Keep it up

didn't eat to much last night, so tired. my niece is going to apply online, she is so fast on computer to the hospital for me, you can apply to 10 jobs at one time, we will do it thanksgiving. I am going to try for the clerical jobs that don't require much experience, rachael is so sweet. if I don't eat breakfast before work I am going to bring the bar with me. so confused and nervous