Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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eshaw 09/20/2015

Still waiting to hear from my tx team about psych ward. I am really depressed, anxious, having chest pain and shortness of breath when I do small activities. I know its the ED, and I feel powerless and hopeless. Everyone is angry at me, "you need to eat", "you're going to die, don't you care", etc. I feel guilty and ashamed and hopeless that I can't just eat, just do it. I feel trapped and surrounded by people who don't understand, think I'm stupid, or are just worried and it comes out as anger. I am tired of this fight, and I don't want hospitalization just to fatten me up and start the whole process of weight loss again. I need someone who understands ED's, I need treatment. I look on all the glamorous ED treatment centers wishing I could afford just one of them. I am angry at myself for allowing the ED to get me to an unstable place again. I'm angry that the ED is more powerful than the desire I have to live. I'm ashamed I'm such a freak and bad influence on my daughter and that I'm hurting my mom so much. I feel so alone and misunderstood, and scared of the impact this could have on my loved ones. IF that doesn't force me to eat, what will? I don't even understand why I am forbidden to eat. I know I'm underweight.

electropro176 09/20/2015

Actually, I think you're doing pretty well, given your current circumstances. Getting angry like that is what helped me recover from ED the first time I had it. Don't know why it's come back a couple times, but it has. Back to you, I'd be really worried if you weren't angry at ED, it has taken a lot from you while promising to "protect" you from future pain, while at the same time exacting a price you have to decide if you are willing to pay. I believe in you, that you can fight back, I just think it will take some time for you to believe you deserve to live. Please don't give up.
I often wake up at weird hours of the night and early morning, for some odd reason, I can check messages if you need to chat. I'll leave my computer on "suspend" so it hopefully won't crash--again. I can also stay up later if you should need to talk. Missed the remark you made about yourself earlier, you are NOT a freak, you're human and hurting. Please try to take care of yourself as best you can.

ann54 09/21/2015

I want to tell you you are NOT a freak, you are a human being trying so hard to fight this disease. it is understandable the you are angry and I think it is a good thing. I feel one has to great fed up enough and angry at ones situation in order to strive for recovery, for YOU, not anyone else. if you don't do it for you it will not succeed and it souns like you want it for many different reasons. it is a sorry state indeed that we cant get the proper help we need when we desparetly need and shamefull on these expensive places. I know you want to live or you wouldn't be on DS and posting and I believe in you and that you can do it. I am here for you always when you need someone. remember even 1 hour at a time if need be. hugss

danita107 09/21/2015

Anger is totally understandable and I'm still trying to get through being angry a lot of the time. I totally understand what you're saying and loved ones who don't have the ED just don't get it. They think we can just flip a switch and stop or eat. Keep reaching out. There's so much support here. You are not a freak! There are many of us who have this disorder and know exactly what you are talking about. You aren't alone and recovery is possible.

kathywonders 09/22/2015

These periods of waiting to hear about your "fate" are very trying and frustrating. So is being misunderstood. So is the knowledge that there are treatment centres that could probably help you but you cant afford them. But at least here in DS some of us understand your feelings.

Perhaps you so much want, on some level, to get help from professionals that part of you is giving up on trying on your own? I dont know - it sounds like something that a shrink might propose...

Im waiting at the moment to hear about rehabilitation work activity. Its causing a bit of anxiety. Id like to "hold your hand" during this waiting process and help you relax and eat a bit!

Lots of hugs ((((( )))))

JessicaChase 09/23/2015

I wish I had some wisdom to give to you, but I don't. All I can give is an ear to hear and eyes to read. Just to let you know I care!

kpsurfersfan 09/25/2015

You are not a freak! You are a person who is hurting inside and your ED behaviours/choices are you externalising that. Hang in there, you can do it - if I can, anyone can! Kim x

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