"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle." - Christian D. Larson

I love this quote and I think it really applies here. I know your ED feels so strong, like it has all power over you. But remember, your eating disorder is inside you, so it cannot be bigger than you.

You are stronger than ED, and everyday you continue to fight, every tiny victory against the eating disorder makes you even stronger. It takes time, but you will beat this. Never give up hope. XOXOXO

I am eating without purging and I HATE it. I NEED to find a way to give in to ED.

If it's painful not to purge eat normally for 5 to 6 days of the week and on 1 or 2 of the other days you can fast. This isn't too harmful to the body but it will fulfill the need of going hungry or purging and you can start with 3 days then lower to 2 and continue 1 for the rest of the time. This way you can look forward to that last day where you can purge and this process has also shown results of building up the metabolism to help lose weight. I have tried this and it works for me anyways because I can think of purging on the last day of the week as a prize for all of normalcy throughout the week. You can also set aside a personal purge/fast one week every 2 months this can also be considered a prize of purge for nurturing your body the rest of the time. If your mom is upset about the fasting you can tell her you are cleansing and it's good for your body which it can be but don't purge/fast for too long because you have to think of it as a prize for being healthy the rest of the time.
Warning: This is not going to fully help you ED but it's just what I do to feel my ED and I've found it helpful because it is but still isn't damaging my body.

Thanks for the advice but my mom would still freak. Guess I will just have to purge on Monday nights when she is out.

You could save Monday as your purge/fast day and continue the rest normal it's a helpful process.

ED you've gotten the better of me and I want to purge again so badly. :(