Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
This is for all us girls who have asked that question a MILLION TIMES. Why doesn't HE FEEL PAIN? WHY DOESN'T HE CRY? WHEN WILL HE GET HIS RIGHT???? When and Who will hold him responsible for his Kids, for his Debt, for his Responsibilities? We created these kids together, we created this debt together, we brought home the pets together, EVERYTHING WAS LINKED BETWEEN THE TWO OF US RIGHT? So why the HELL does he get to decide that he's just walking away like a child who doesn't like the way the game is going and can simply say DO'S OVER!!!!! or NO FAIR START AGAIN!!! OR MY FAVORITE I'M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE. I'm a teacher and at my school when we start to play a game the kids are made to know from the start that if they sign up to play THEY MUST SEE IT THROUGH TIL THE END OF THE GAME. No matter what the outcome as long as you are doing your best and playing fair then it's ok.
Some of these run away Husbands could take lessons from my Kindergartener's who NEVER QUIT!!! And see the game all the way through. Even though they may not hit a home run or score a goal they have a sense of PRIDE WHEN THEY SIMPLY DO THE RIGHT THING, PLAY FAIR, AND PLAY TO THEIR BEST ABILITY. NO QUITTING EVER!!!!!! I know alot of us hold on to the HOPE that our stbx would just GET THEIRS!!! Right? Let me tell you the wheels of Justice do turn very slowly but they do turn. The emotional Healing takes time a little bit at a time but, Healing does come. For over a year now since my H totally walked out on never looked back there has been times when I thought THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!!! I AM CARRYING ALL THE BAGGAGE, I'M CARRYING ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY, THE KIDS, THE PETS, THE DEBT, EVERYTHING!!! Why does he just get to call DO'S OVER!!!!!!! There were nights when I PRAYED TO GOD THAT HE WOULD FALL OFF A ROOF RIGHT ON HIS BIG FAT HEAD AND ACTUALLY FEEL SOME PAIN!
These are normal responses for anybody who has gone through the PAIN OF DIVORCE. There is a happy ending around the corner for all of us. Don't give up and always remember that Women grieve FIRST AND FAST, MEN GRIEVE LATER AND LONGER. And for the wheels of Justice turning slowly well, it's been a year and they FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH HIM. $8,400 behind in support because he was self employed and fell under the radar. Now he has lost the business and took a job with a friends company and guess what happened as soon as his ssn was clocked in the system??? THAT'S RIGHT HELLO SWEET JUSTICE NOW THEY TAKE MOST OF HIS CHECKS FOR ME AND THE KIDS EVERY WEEK. PLUS ANY TAX RETURN, PLUS HE CAN'T EVEN REGISTER HIS TRUCK, OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT, APPLY FOR A LOAN, NOTHING!!!!! UNTIL IT'S ALL PAID UP.
He has to pay me back 50% of the money I have spent paying down the debt since he RAN LIKE A COWARD. SO MY FIRST AND FAST IS NOW SLOWLY COMING TO AND END AND GUESS WHAT? HIS LATER AND LONGER IS JUST STARTING...... SO WHEN PEOPLE SAY T NOW YOUR GETTING ALL YOUR SUPPORT EVERY MONTH AND YOUR EX IS SLOWLY CRASHING DOWN INTO THE ABYSS WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW???
I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stay Strong Sisters and NEVER Give Up On Your Self!!!
Disney...............
Some of these run away Husbands could take lessons from my Kindergartener's who NEVER QUIT!!! And see the game all the way through. Even though they may not hit a home run or score a goal they have a sense of PRIDE WHEN THEY SIMPLY DO THE RIGHT THING, PLAY FAIR, AND PLAY TO THEIR BEST ABILITY. NO QUITTING EVER!!!!!! I know alot of us hold on to the HOPE that our stbx would just GET THEIRS!!! Right? Let me tell you the wheels of Justice do turn very slowly but they do turn. The emotional Healing takes time a little bit at a time but, Healing does come. For over a year now since my H totally walked out on never looked back there has been times when I thought THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!!! I AM CARRYING ALL THE BAGGAGE, I'M CARRYING ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY, THE KIDS, THE PETS, THE DEBT, EVERYTHING!!! Why does he just get to call DO'S OVER!!!!!!! There were nights when I PRAYED TO GOD THAT HE WOULD FALL OFF A ROOF RIGHT ON HIS BIG FAT HEAD AND ACTUALLY FEEL SOME PAIN!
These are normal responses for anybody who has gone through the PAIN OF DIVORCE. There is a happy ending around the corner for all of us. Don't give up and always remember that Women grieve FIRST AND FAST, MEN GRIEVE LATER AND LONGER. And for the wheels of Justice turning slowly well, it's been a year and they FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH HIM. $8,400 behind in support because he was self employed and fell under the radar. Now he has lost the business and took a job with a friends company and guess what happened as soon as his ssn was clocked in the system??? THAT'S RIGHT HELLO SWEET JUSTICE NOW THEY TAKE MOST OF HIS CHECKS FOR ME AND THE KIDS EVERY WEEK. PLUS ANY TAX RETURN, PLUS HE CAN'T EVEN REGISTER HIS TRUCK, OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT, APPLY FOR A LOAN, NOTHING!!!!! UNTIL IT'S ALL PAID UP.
He has to pay me back 50% of the money I have spent paying down the debt since he RAN LIKE A COWARD. SO MY FIRST AND FAST IS NOW SLOWLY COMING TO AND END AND GUESS WHAT? HIS LATER AND LONGER IS JUST STARTING...... SO WHEN PEOPLE SAY T NOW YOUR GETTING ALL YOUR SUPPORT EVERY MONTH AND YOUR EX IS SLOWLY CRASHING DOWN INTO THE ABYSS WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW???
I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stay Strong Sisters and NEVER Give Up On Your Self!!!
Disney...............
We were 'temporarily' separated in June (that story I did tell - how I kicked him to the curb - a hotel - after he cowardly intimated by phone when out of town that he was done with me but just wouldn't come out and say it).
Then the last week of July he 'came back' and said he loved me, has been an ass for two years, wants us to be a family...you know the drill. He slept with me for a week, we planned a 24th wedding anniversary vacation for two weeks later, then he took off on a pre-planned motorcycle trip with his buddies. He called me from the road and said he had 'something to tell me in person' and was coming back early. Cliche after cliche after cliche.
The morning he rode back into town, my mother's little dog drowned in my swimming pool. I drove her and the dog's body back home, 3hrs, got back home by noon and was basically comatose. He walked in and stood in the doorway and told me there was 'someone else'. We literally spoke for 10 mtes. I could barely function. August 5, 2011. Worst day of my life. I have never spoken with him again.
I don't know why I wrote this on this thread - it just poured out! I am pretty meloncholy this week, I move in 7 days and am crying incessantly. I am in one of those making it hour by hour kind of zones. I am overwhelmed with leaving the family home, and yet, I feel sure that a new space of my own will help my recovery.
Thank you for reading - it gives me strength to know that so many of you understand what I am going through. Sorry to hijack your post theme Disney!
love and hugs to you today
kamary xxxoxooxoxoxo
My daughter, who is his stepdaughter, and our son together, want nothing to do with him. It doesn't seem to bother him. Our one daughter who was still living at home and just finished college still associates with her dad, but not that frequently. She doesn't want her dad to get mad at her and take it out on me until everything is settled.
Our son, who is in the military, is depressed. He is very disappointed in his father and wants no contact with his father. Our son is so upset that his dad left after so many years of marriage plus with my illness. Thank God our son only has 14 months left of his military service and hasn't been deployed out of the States. I'm worried about him because he is like me and keeps his emotions inside. He has sought counseling and I am so proud of him for that.
My stbx just keeps trying to push all the responsibility on me as usual. I have finally learned to say NO and NOT MY PROBLEM. I'm fortunate that I don't need to have any contact with sbtx, no young kids. I only text him when I need info about health insurance. Sbtx texts me about insignificant info and I don't even acknowledge. I learned the no contact from this site. I have been reading this site since October, but I was feeling so paranoid since everything that happened that I was afraid to join. I'm so glad that I finally posted.
Have a great trip to Disneyland. You have given me great hope.
I would look at the house and all the hard work we put into it and what a waste. I realized my stbx is a waste. I also realized that it felt that during our whole marriage, his number one goal was to squash my dreams. My stbx is full of crap. He talks the talk, but never walked the walk. He is so full of himself. As I would tell my friends about our impending divorce, the comment of "I never liked him anyway" was said over and over. I never knew how many people disliked my stbx. They put up with him to support me. What a revelation. Moving is the first step towards your new life.
I remember that feeling of having to move us out of the home we worked so hard for. It was BEAUTIFUL!!! I live in AZ so we had to have a pool for the kids it gets 110 here in the summer. I loved that house. I also had to sell all of my awesome appliances, fridge stainless steel double door, washer and dryer, big barbque grill,. I lost a car, jet sky for the lake, EVERYTHING. I was in tears just like you for weeks. Then I remembered a saying a friend told me...... It's so simple....... EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY.......LIFE CHANGES....... I tell myself everyday My situation is TEMPORARY AND I WILL HAVE MY HOUSE WITH THE POOL BACK AGAIN...I'm in the process right now of trying to qualify for a house ON MY VERY OWN AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT WILL BE THAT MUCH SWEETER.
Ask God to help you through and keep telling yourself IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY...... Plus your new place is ALL YOURS!!!!!! DECORATE IT HOW EVER YOU WANT. The first few things I bought myself for my new place was A BRIGHTLY COLORED FLORAL BED SET AND BATHROOM SET. For so many years I could never have a GIRLY BED AND BATH because HE always said " It's to FOO FOO, to WOMANEY???? So for years I had to have South western browns, tans,if I was lucky a little mauve ya know. BORING!!!! NO COLOR, NO LIGHT, NO JOY!!!!!!! So my bed and bath look like a place where the sun comes to rest. It's so JOYFUL AND FULL OF FUN. LIKE ME. Make your new place your own your own little corner of the world where no one can hurt you, and YOU CAN HEAL IN PEACE.......
Disney.........
Thanks for posting COME ON GIRLS lets charge our glasses from all corners of the earth Wooooo!! CHEERS!!! :)
((clink!))
((CLINK))
I am still asking....So why the HELL does he get to decide that he's just walking away like a child who doesn't like the way the game is going and can simply say DO'S OVER!!!!! or NO FAIR START AGAIN!!! OR MY FAVORITE I'M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE.
I am glad your justice has arrived. Thanks for giving me hope!
Enjoy Disney!!!!
You go, Disney!