Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

What keeps you off the ledge?

JustDuci
JustDuci
Being new to this whole emotional upheaval, I have no frame of reference on how to deal with some of this. How do you guys (and gals) deal with flood of emotions, and physical pain that sometimes become unbearable? There are times when the physical pain becomes so intense I just want to die. (I spent 2 weeks in the burn until, so I know a bit about pain)
Now don't go calling the guys in the white coats - I'm not there. But sometimes it just gets so intense, I don't know what to do. i only know a couple of people that have gone through a divorce, so I try to lean on them as much as possible. My other friends try to be empathetic, but they obviously have no idea what it feels like to have your heart ripped out like this. I try to meditate, and sometimes it works, usually not so much.
And as tempting as it is to "numb the pain at the expense of my liver" (Thanks Miranda for that line), I know that's a slippery slope, and I don't want to go there. One of my divorced friends went down that road, it's hard to see. He's doing better now, but still has a drinking issue.
So - any suggestions?
kamary
kamary
And one foot after the other, mate. Just do one thing you need to do to keep your business rolling every day. Often one thing leads to another and so you manage to get a lot done without too much stress.

Exercise is good, so great idea to go to hockey. Your teammates will understand.

love and hugs
kamary
ReNewed13
ReNewed13
Kamary - Thank you, I am sorry for your loss too!
caligirl92354
caligirl92354
The pain was more than I humanly thought I could handle. Sometimes I didn't think I could take it any longer. But thankfully, I had DS, a counselor, and books and books and books to read. I knew I wouldn't survive if I became a victim so I took it into my own hands, started a routine of walking, reading, being on DS for hours finding sites people recommended to read, books to read, being kind and nurturing to myself and those things pulled me out of the severe pain. Then it was times. I also went to Divorcecare and it saved my life as well. I will tell you that you will be ever so happy if you stay away from the booze. You can't get through it until you feel it. So, be gracious to yourself. I finally got to the point, and it did take awhile, where when I felt the overwhelming grief coming on, I just gave myself the gift of grieving. At first, I was afraid I'd never quit crying but once I realized I did quit after I started, I was able to just let it go. Sometimes it was gut wrenching and sometimes it was what I called the "hearbroken tears". Those were the tears that just fall out of my eyes without the ugly cry.

Those really tough times helped me see that I could survive. That was powerful in itself. But I didn't do it alone. I had a team of counselor, DS, divorcecare and good friends here on DS.

Big huge hugs.